


Love, In Fire & Blood

by MalevolentReverie



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Horror, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ben Chats W/Whoever, Blood and Gore, Body Horror, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Captivity, Childhood Sexual Abuse, Dark, Dark!Rey, Dom/sub, Dominant Rey, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Erotomania, Extremely Dubious Consent, F/F, F/M, Funny sometimes, Loose Killing Stalking A/U, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Mind Games, Non-Consensual Bondage, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Obsession, Obsessive Kylo Ren, POV Ben Solo, POV First Person, Peace Out Fourth Wall, Psychological Horror, Serial Killer Rey, Size Difference, Smut, Somehow Ben Is The Precious Baby, Stalking, Submissive Kylo Ren, Survival Horror, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Unhealthy Relationships, Unreliable Narrator, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-09
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2019-04-20 13:27:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 22,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14261970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MalevolentReverie/pseuds/MalevolentReverie
Summary: Ben Solo is stalking Rey, a beautiful and much younger woman in one of his college classes. He's been under the impression that he's the 'bad' guy, until he finally breaks into her house and realizes his soulmate is beyond what he ever imagined. Follow two deeply disturbed people: one an obsessed, needy, and deranged stalker, and the other a cold, arrogant, and sadistic serial killer, as they begin to feed each other's unresolved psychological traumas and find their own unhealthy definition of balance.Based upon the webtoon 'Killing Stalking,' which I HIGHLY recommend if you like this story. KS contains yaoi and this is obviously het, tho.





	1. I Do Not Love You Except Because I Love You

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Любовь в огне и крови](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16530497) by [Tersie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tersie/pseuds/Tersie)



> y'all wanted dark!rey and now you will PAY FOR UR REQUESTS
> 
> but this is a perf scenario because rey is like half the size of ben so she can only have a semblance of control through a scenario like this. probs no non-con, just very dark and eerie and ben will be extremely needy and slightly borderline
> 
> ...........also don't get attached to 'hungry hearts'

The love of my life is sitting five feet away from me.

She’s laughing with her friends, bright and sparkly; a Rey of sunshine. She cut her hair last week and I keep hoping I’ll find a strand on my way past her seat, but I can’t kneel on the floor and search the way I want. I click my pen on the long table we’re both sitting at, only a few feet apart, and I think I’ll lick her chair when she gets up. I can wait for the classroom to empty out. That’s okay. I have time. Tons of time.

But—But she cut her hair shorter. I like it. Sometimes I’ll catch a peek of her running her small fingers through it and wish I could scalp her and keep it for myself. I love her, though. I mean, I’m not some kind of… some kind of _psycho_. I just wish I could take it; that’s all. I won’t. I wouldn’t. I can wander by when she leaves the room with her friends and admirers and weave more strands into the bracelet I’m making. Don’t worry, I don’t wear it. I’m not crazy.

Rey laughs and my insides squeeze.

 “Finn, stop! Gimme my pen back!”

The professor drones about Erik Erikson and I tap my long fingers rapidly on the table. If I look over I’ll see one of her many male admirers draping over her lap and later I’ll cry about it. I clench my jaw and tug my black hair across my face like a curtain to hide from their prying eyes.

Nothing wrong with me. I know we’re supposed to be together. She just… Rey just needs some _convincing_. But, but, but— _but_ , I don’t want to hurt her, so I keep spending my afternoons learning the combination to her house’s door. She’s out a lot, because she’s beautiful, and everyone else knows it, too, so I have hours on end to waste on her stoop testing combinations. I’ll sit there in the rain sometimes until I’m all shivers and sniffles.

I know where she is at all times. For safety. It’s Chicago, for fuck’s sakes, and… Well, she’s only five foot five and weighs one-hundred and twenty five pounds and six ounces—Well, that was last night. I have to wait by her bathroom window to record her weight tonight. I have to know she’s healthy, y’know. If she loses a single pound I have to know why and I have to know WHO and I have to KNOW WHAT and I HAVE TO KNOW WHERE AND WHY AND HOW AND—

 “What’s up, Solo?”

My neck twitches and my gaze flickers to see the guy in front of me, Hux, is turned in his chair and grinning. He’s skinnier than me and has red hair like a fox. Always sits next to Phasma, who copies her notes diligently and lets him copy them after class.

I grind my teeth. “Nothing. Busy.”

Hux pushes his chair from the table and leans on mine, grin widening. “Your eye is twitching again. Are you gonna bring a gun in here?” He picks lint off his black shirt and raises his eyebrows. “You have that vibe, y’know. School shooter. How old are you? Like thirty? Can’t finish your BA?”

A loud slap on the table next to me startles Hux and I stiffen when I smell Rey’s perfume. Blood floods right to my cock and I stare at my textbook instead of looking up at her. It’ll kill me.

 “Ben is taking his notes,” my soulmate says acidly. “Thanks for fucking off, Hux.”

It’s one of the moments when my confirmation bias is… confirmed. I cover my mouth to smile when she draws away to her friends and Hux spins around in his chair to keep taking notes. Rey loves me. Even if she doesn’t ever talk to me, she still loves me.

When class is over she walks off in her white skirt with Rose Tico’s arm threaded through hers and Finn’s arm around her shoulders. I hunch by the door. She’s going to her Friday night practice for _Fiddler on The Roof_ and tomorrow she has a gymnastics meet. I know because I love her. Someone should know where she’s going, so if she gets lost, I can find her and keep her and…

Ick. Kidnapping and rape aren’t really my thing. Plus, Rey won’t need convincing to stay with me. She’ll be more than happy to take my virginity, too, especially when she knows I’ve been practicing with pictures from her Facebook. I smile at her retreating form and pull my black hood up.

It’s a long walk back to my small apartment I share with my Uncle Luke. But you know that, right? Dad’s dead, mom can’t stand me, so I live with Luke. I haven’t had a job, ever. I get so… anxious. I’m not a tiny guy or anything but big groups of people make me fucking nervous. I’ll finish college, though, and get an IT job so I can take my Rey out on the dates she deserves and move out of Luke’s cramped, dirty apartment into my own.

It’s empty when I get there. I head into my bedroom to drop my backpack and rush into my computer chair to check Rey’s Facebook and make sure she’s going to play practice. She updates a lot. I scroll through, lingering on the pictures of her in Bermuda in a bikini, and my hand is down my pants before I realize it. I blow up the picture of her smiling in her white bikini with Finn but angle it so I only see her. I rest my forehead on the screen and rub my cheek across it, groaning.

 “Rey,” I whimper. I claw the screen with my free hand and stroke my cock hard and fast with the other. I can’t swear. That’d be fucking rude. “Let me cum in your mouth.” I hesitate, squirming. “Or, uh… on your tits? I mean… I… wherever you… wherever you want…”

Honestly, I want to jack off on her tits and smear my cum on her nipples, but I’m open to whatever she wants, because that’s—

My breath catches and I squeeze tight as my climax comes fast and hard. It drools all over my fingers, hot and sticky, and I puff a few times to breathe again without sounding suspicious. There’s a spot on the carpet under the desk where I usually cum a few times a night while I scroll through Rey’s social media. She posts the pictures for me, after all. Obviously. That’s why I print some out and finish on them when I’m in bed and keep them in a shoebox under my bed. She’ll want them as proof of my love.

I go take a shower so I look nice when I go to her house to try some more combinations. There I jerk off again, just to get the urge out of me, and watch my essence mix with the water and run down the drain. I cannot wait to finish inside Rey. She can be on top if she wants. I just want to curl up next to her and feel her warmth around my dick and feel my cum inside her. Not too much to ask, right?

Luke comes in, drunk, and catches me in the kitchen. He’s in a poncho for some reason and is drinking milk and rum out of a bag at the same time. I watch him, clutching my paper with the combinations I’ve tried on Rey’s door. He’s been fucked up since Han—my dad—died.

 “Going somewhere?” he asks, running a hand through his greying hair.

 “Out. I’ll be back soonish.”

My uncle waves me off. “Whatever.” He drinks some milk, then mixes it with the rum. “Be quiet when you come inside.”

I slip out the front door and stalk down the blocks towards Rey’s house. She doesn’t have a key, just the combo lock, but it’s got like twelve numbers and a ton of possibilities. The house itself is kind of bland-looking and I can only see inside when she rarely leaves her blinds open.

It’s raining. I walk through the gate to the front door and hunch my shoulders to begin trying new combinations. No one ever bothers me. It’s not the best part of Shitcago so I have privacy. I tap in a few numbers and growl when it doesn’t work. Maybe I can jerk off again and smear my cum on the handle so she has to know I was there, at least. Maybe not. No, that’s gross, right? That’s so… Ugh, I’m a fucking pervert. I don’t have to blow my fucking load all over everything she owns.

 “Sir, is something wrong?”

My spine stiffens and I glance over my shoulder to find a fucking _cop, of all fucking people,_ watching me from the wooden gate. He’s my age and peering over sunglasses at me, clearly out of place, tapping in multiple combinations. He’s got scruff and black hair and tawny skin.

I blink. “Uh… Uh…” Jesus Christ, deliver me. “My cousin Rey lives here.”

 “…Oh.” The guy cocks his head. “Well, I guess you know the combination, then, right?”

There’s only two more possibilities right now. I nod stiffly and turn, tapping in another, which buzzes in an error message. The gate creaks open and I fucking sweat as I type in the final combo with trembling fingers and, to my shock, the door titters in approval.

 “Bye!” I ejaculate, and I turn the handle and spill inside.

The door slams shut behind me as I try to scramble back to my feet. Oh my god. I’m in Rey’s house. Do you fucking hear me? I am. In. Rey’s. House.

It’s dark and quiet. Duh, no one’s home. I swallow hard, heart pounding, and dip into her kitchen first. The tiles are yellow and bright and sunny and there’s a plain wooden table with a smaller table on the floor. It’s all organized and nice, like her. I wander around, running my fingers across her cutlery, and snatch a knife on my way to the living room. A memento for later.

Nice, plain furniture. I brush my fingers across everything, wistfully hoping Rey touched it, and wander to one of the only other rooms in the small house. I nudged the door open with my shoulder and find nothing besides a mattress with green sheets and a half-open closet. Bedroom. It’s her bedroom.

My fucked-up body responds and I stagger to the mattress, kneeling down, wrapping myself in the blankets that smell just like my Rey. I’m like six foot three but I’m reduced to moans and frantically smelling the pillows for any traces of her masturbating there, or having sex, or just being there in any capacity. I hastily wind the green blanket into a ball and inhale deeply as I slip a hand down my boxers. I can just cum on her blanket. No biggie.

God, everything smells so good. It smells just like her. I nuzzle into the blanket and imagine pulling it around the two of us, wrapping my big body around hers. I’m getting harder at the thought of her walking in and catching me and precum weeps from the tip of—

Muffled screaming shatters the fantasy.

Panting, I thumb the head on my cock and raise my head, looking around in muddled ecstasy. Hearing things, maybe. I swallow and bite down on the blanket when I hear the scream again.

It’s distracting me from finishing on Rey’s mattress. I’m so obsessed with her that I don’t wonder why a young 20-something has such a depressing bedroom. The scream is coming from the closet, so I rearrange myself and crawl towards it on my hands and knees, curious. I push the door open and hear shuffling sounds like someone is shifting on the floor.

The floor looks normal. I frown and creep inside the empty closet to knock my knuckles on the wood and hear an empty echo back. It’s hollow. She must have a basement.

I find a hatch to open it and peer down into the darkness. There’s another strangled sound and I frown, curious, and use my phone as a flashlight. It’s a flip phone but it gets the job done. I stare down the steep stairs and turn to start down them. Whatever. I’m a big guy. Not like anyone can hurt me.

It gets colder and darker as I descend. There’s a weird smell, like bleach and copper, and I stagger off the last step into the dank basement. I pull back my hood and take a few steps around before I notice a set of long, silver pipes with chains around them. Poor Rey. She was probably—

Something snatches my ankle and I jerk back so hard that I fall on my ass.

It’s a skinny guy with wide, blue eyes and a gag over his mouth. I scrambled back, shaking my leg free of his hold, and he screams into the gag and crawls closer. Oh, Jesus. I must be hallucinating like the doctor said. I scramble for the stairs and notice the guy’s calves are bruised dark purple and blood is streaked on the dirty floor. His other arm is chained to one of the pipes jutting from the floor.

I yank down the gag, panicking, and he starts _screaming_.

 “GET ME OUT OF HERE!” He looks young like me but his bones are jutting out. He screams blindly and rolls on his back, thrashing. “HELP ME!”

 “W—What the fuck are you doing down here?!” I manage.

The stairs creak behind me and I turn to look while the man blubbers and sobs.

My Rey of light is there with a baseball bat over her shoulder and a cruel smile on her beautiful mouth. It widens into a beastly grin and she tilts her head. She has her time period clothes on from _Fiddler._

 “So nice of you to join us, Ben,” she whispers. The bat bounces on her shoulder and she shifts her grasp. “Time for a little nap.”

I blink just as the bat smashes against my skull.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not love you except because I love you;  
> I go from loving to not loving you,  
> From waiting to not waiting for you  
> My heart moves from cold to fire.
> 
> I love you only because it's you the one I love;  
> I hate you deeply, and hating you  
> Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you  
> Is that I do not see you but love you blindly.
> 
> Maybe January light will consume  
> My heart with its cruel  
> Ray, stealing my key to true calm.
> 
> In this part of the story I am the one who  
> Dies, the only one, and I will die of love because I love you,  
> Because I love you, Love, in fire and blood. 
> 
> Pablo Neruda


	2. I'm so happy because today

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> writing rey this way is so awks lmfao
> 
> ben is also a highly unreliable narrator (duh) so take everything he says with a grain of salt  
> there's no real voice of reason in this story

  _“What the fuck is wrong with you, Ben?”_

Gasping, I writhe awake on the dirty floor, rolling on my back. I take a few sharp breaths and smell bleach and blood and swallow hard. Ow, ow. My head throbs and I wince, gritting my teeth.

Rey is near me; I finally broke into her house and she accidentally hit me in the head… Maybe, or maybe I was hallucinating. But I’m in her house. I could cry.

I’m just in my white tank top and black boxers. It’s cold. The hair is erect on my arms and I shiver with excitement and a little fear. I can’t see five feet in front of me and all I hear is a low, slow drip of water somewhere in the darkness. I swallow hard, throat dry, and wonder if this is a project for her application to grad school. She’s so creative.

 “Hello there, Benji.”

Rey’s beautiful accent takes on a different dimension echoing through the dark basement. It’s sort of sinister, like a movie villain, but I know she’s not like that. She wouldn’t hurt a fly. She volunteers at the Humane Society, y’know.

I scramble to sit up and hear a jangle of chains from the manacle attaching my ankle to one of the pipes jutting from the floor. The metal bites but I break into a wide smile and laugh at the sight of her sitting on the bottom step with her long, pale legs crossed at the thigh. She tilts her head, raising an eyebrow, and returns a rueful smile. The bat is bobbing on her shoulder and she smacks her gum.

My eyes well up with tears. “I’m… I’m so happy to see you.”

 “Why did you break into my house?”

Oh no. My chest tightens and I shake my head spastically. She’s in red short-shorts now and a baggy black tank top and her bright brown eyes regard me with casual indifference as I stutter an excuse.

 “I… I thought someone was trying to hurt you.” I wring my hands. “You’re so fragile—”

Rey laughs, interrupting me, and stands with the bat draped in her fingers. “You think I’m _fragile_? Do you know where you are, Benji?”

I shake my head, staring at her thighs. She shifts her hips and runs her tongue over her lips, shrugging, rising like a lioness and casually sauntering towards me. My wrists are handcuffed in my lap but I would never hurt her, anyway. I stare reverently as my soulmate pauses a foot in front of me, studying my face.

She runs her nails along my cheek and under my chin, propping it up on her index finger. “I guess you wouldn’t know. I hit you pretty hard.” Her lips quirk in a smile. “There’s a bunch of dry blood in your hair.”

 “I love you,” I stutter. I turn into her palm, kissing her skin. “I… I love you.”

 “Mhm.” Rey draws back and wipes my saliva on her shorts. “Did you like your friend?”

Through the dim basement I can see the man from earlier is now lying on his back, blue eyes staring at the ceiling, unblinking. Dead. I stiffen at the sight as my Rey runs her fingers through my hair on her way to his corpse. She steps on his face and swings the bat with another coquettish smile. The stranger is completely naked and I notice a metal rod has been shoved through the head of his dick to keep it erect.

Rey sighs but I can only stare at her thighs. “Found him in a club. He got a little too handsy in the bathroom.” She arches her foot to push his dick at an awkward angle until it cracks and bleeds, breaking from the metal rod. “This was a pretty nice way to kill him.”

I’m twice her size and I know something’s not right but I just nod and try to roll my shoulders to look less threatening. My heart swells at the sight of Rey in short-shorts and I’m so happy we’re alone together that my eyes still well up with tears. She pouts and starts toward me.

 “I love you,” I repeat. I droop my head. “I’m sorry I came here without permission, but—”

 “You came on my blanket. You think my things belong to you.”

 “No, no!”

Rey nudges under my chin with her bat to make me look up. Her eyes are cold. “Yes, yes. You think I belong to you, you little freak. You think this image of me you’ve built up in your mind is the gospel truth, and you came here to smear cum all over MY house to prove it. I’ve met sick fucks like you before, Ben Solo.” She snaps her gum, raising an eyebrow. “I should just get this over with.”

Dying isn’t a big deal. Being separated from Rey is.

I keep shaking my head. “I was just overwhelmed because—”

 “Yeah, I get the picture; you think you love me.” She rolls her free wrist dismissively and steps on the chain of my handcuffs to force me to bend even more. “But it’s not like I can let you walk out of here and keeping you alive will be a huge hassle.”

Okay, dying is kind of a big deal. I look up at her through my lashes and she keeps eyeing me with mild intrigue and disdain, leaning on the bat and rolling the business end in small circles into the dirty floor. She pops her gum again and flashes her eyebrows like she wants me to speak.

My mouth is dry. “I’m sorry.”

She groans and rolls her eyes, turning with her bat swinging in her fingertips. “Is that all you can say? Did I knock another screw loose?”

All I can do is stare at her and wish I wasn’t so disgusting. I lower my eyes to the floor and wipe away tears on my bare shoulder—I’m like a fucking faucet; Jesus Christ. I broke into her house, masturbated in her bed, and ruined her art project thing she was doing in her basement. She’ll never talk to me now. I’ll have to keep weaving hair bracelets and cumming in socks until I can afford a Fleshlight.

Rey wanders around for a while and I peek through my black hair to watch. She drags the dead guy into another corner of the basement and gets a plastic yellow smock, like for painting, that she drapes around her neck, followed by thick gloves caked with dried blood. There’s a lot of shelves and cabinets but it’s all a hodgepodge of materials and some of it is in serious need of painting. I can help her.

She picks up a bloodstained chainsaw and steps on the guy’s chest. “You might want to look away.”

I don’t. Like I said, I’m a fuck-up.

Rey’s smile widens as she revs the thing on with a few pulls of the chain and I stare as reality violently sinks her cold claws into my brain. I have moments of lucidity, where I realize I need to get a job and Rey doesn’t actually love me and my mother doesn’t hate me, she’s just sick of watching me drown. Watching Rey dip the hungry teeth of the chainsaw into a dead guy’s shoulder is one of those moments.

Blood and bones and gore fly everywhere as I jerk against the cuff keeping me prisoner. She only glances at me when she’s done cutting off a limb, probably so she doesn’t cut her own off, but each time she’s grinning and ignoring the blood spatter on her face. Okay, okay, this is _really fucking happening_ —

 “Hey, Ben!” She holds up the chainsaw, which is almost as big as her, and waves it around in the air. “You ever watched the _Saw_ movies? That’s what I think I’ll do to you before I cut you up with this.” She steps on the corpse’s face and angles herself to cut off his head. “Better start chewing your ankle before I get over there.”

White-hot fear finally gets me moving and I pull as far as the chain will let me before frantically searching for a way to get free. I’m not going to gnaw my fucking leg off but there has to be a way to tear the pipe out of the floor. I edge closer, grabbing it with both bound hands, and wiggle it back and forth. Come on; I’m strong enough to rip it out!

The chainsaw revs across the basement and Rey steps away from the decapitated body with the it still roaring. She brushes her hair back with a bloody hand and sighs happily. Her bare feet smear footprints on the floor as she daintily taps the play button on an iPhone speaker and a familiar song starts while I rattle my restraints.

 “You like this song?” She laughs and starts toward me with the same cold disdain in her eyes. “Of course you do. Every old creep loves Nirvana and _every_ college student knows _Lithium_.”

I try to move away but it’s hard without hands and I end up falling flat on my back. She comes to stand over me, one foot on my stomach, and revs up the chainsaw like she really needs to scare the shit out of me before she cuts my head off. I stare up at her and take sharp, panicked breaths through my nose, then cough out a few sobs before I can stop myself. Why is she doing this? I love her and I know she’s not capable of hurting anyone. She’s so soft and sweet like a cinnamon roll I just want to sink my teeth into.

I squeeze my eyes shut and wait for death. “I love you, Rey,” I choke. “I’m sorry I made you do this.”

As suddenly as it started, everything stops.

The chainsaw gurgles to a halt and Rey leans more weight on my stomach but I don’t look at her. She snaps her gum. She’s studying me.

 “Isn’t that pathetic? Apologizing to the very end.” Her gum pops again. “How old are you?”

 “I… I’m thirty-two.”

 “Gross. You know I’m only twenty-two, right?”

 “…Yes.”

She giggles and shifts her weight. “Okay, when’s my birthday? Any good stalker knows that much.”

I hesitantly open one eye to find Rey beaming down at me and my heart skips a beat. God, she’s beautiful. Both eyes open, hungry, desperate to take her in. She’s covered in blood and I imagine washing it off in a nice bubble bath and eating her out after.

I smile back. “May fourth, nineteen ninety-five.”

She squeals like she just found a spider and dances away from me, laughing. I watch raptly as she sets the chainsaw on a table and takes off the smock and gloves. Her lips are turned up in a pretty smile and she looks at me and laughs again.

 “You really are creepy,” she says. She takes out a few black garbage bags from under the table. “Tell me what else you know.”

I squirm on the floor and roll over so I can sit up. She’s talking to me. She actually wants to talk to me. Reality slips away and I’m off the wagon and back on the heady drug of denial.

 “You weigh one twenty-five. And six ounces.” I watch her fan out the bags. “Your cycle is twenty-eight days, too, and it’s never late. I have some of your tampons.”

 “Oh, Benji.” Rey’s not mad—she’s laughing again. “ _Why?_ ”

 “…I thought maybe I’d find one with an egg and I could clone you.”

Her laugh brings tears to her eyes as she piles the dismembered body into the garbage bags. I laugh a little, too, enjoying the feeling of being in on the humor instead of being the butt of the joke.

Rey dumps some neon green mixture in milk jugs into the bags and knots the top, secures them with zip ties, then begins dragging them behind the stairs. They have to be incredibly heavy but my Rey is strong and she hefts them without much difficulty. I smile and watch her work but wish I could help.

The playlist runs through all kinds of music until Rey finishes and turns it off. She yawns and stretches her arm, turning her neck until it cracks, then her sleepy brown eyes roam back to me. I smile hopefully.

She clicks her tongue. “I guess I’d feel kind of bad killing someone as pathetic as you. How much do you weigh?”

 “Two-thirty.”

 “Right, with the muscles and shit.” Rey draws her cheek in and heaves a sigh. “That could cause problems.”

I shake my head quickly. “I would never hurt you. If… if you keep me handcuffed I can’t go anywhere, anyway. I’ll do whatever you want.”

 “You’re still twice my size. I guess I could break your hands or something but you’ll just complain if I do that.”

 “Rey, I’m so sorry—”

She waves me off and opens another drawer. I hear rattling, like pill bottles. Han had a lot of pain problems from injuries in the service so I’m used to the sound. I also know what prescription medication eventually does to even the most rational people.

Rey picks one up and puckers her lips. “Well I have Valium so that should work. For now.”

I already have my tongue out to take it when she comes back. She smiles wryly and offers me two on her palm so I shuffle closer and crane my neck to pick them up with my lips. I don’t have to, but I lick her palm to taste the salt and shiver with pleasure. The pills go down dry.

She brushes my hair back and cocks her head. “I’ll be back in a little bit—need to wash off the blood and stuff. Stay here and be quiet, Benny.” She sweeps her fingers under my chin and kisses my forehead.

The spot tingles and I lean into her lips but she’s gone before I can really enjoy it. I was right. I was right. She loves me. She just kissed me!

 “I love you,” I call feebly as she walks up the stairs.

The door opens and shuts and Rey doesn’t answer.


	3. I've found my friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i tortured rey for like ten stories so it's ben's turn

The Valium hits me like a freight train after an hour or so. I’m not big on alcohol or drugs—I didn’t even take a prescription for Vicodin after I had all my wisdom teeth yanked out—so I’m not ready for the weird high that hits. I’ve been drunk once before and it feels a lot like it. I slump on my side and laugh to myself and it echoes around the dark, empty basement. I’m alone. Where’s Rey?

Dizzy, I roll on my back and squirm around. I’m suddenly really horny but it’s impossible to reach my dick with my wrists handcuffed together. Frustrated, I fumble for my cock and manage to get it out of my boxers so I can awkwardly pump both hands on it in the wrong direction. But my body’s not reacting and I keep getting close to the finishing just to have the sensation drop back again. I clench my jaw and writhe impatiently, desperate to cum.

It takes forever. I start sweating and arch off the floor, panting like a dog, too turned on to turn back and lie quietly. My fingers scramble for a tighter grip and I start pulsing and my feet scrape on the floor as I try to steady myself to get a better hold on my dick. Come on, come on…

 “Are you really doing that right now?”

I blink and crane my neck back to see Rey’s feet upside down in pink ballet flats. I trace up her long legs, across a white skirt and pink blouse to her smiling face. Humiliated, I try to tuck myself into my boxers again, but Rey drags up a metal chair and sits in it backwards, leaning her chin in her palm. Her brown eyes feel patronizing as she snaps her fingers.

 “Don’t let me interrupt,” she says. Her thighs are parted around the chair and I can see she has white panties on. “Keep going if you’re that desperate.”

 “I’m just—” I struggle to hide my erection and heat creeps in my cheeks. “The Valium is…”

Rey rolls her eyes and flicks open a serrated pocket knife. “I told you to keep going, Ben.”

We stare at each other for a minute and she raises her eyebrows. I swallow hard and manage to free my cock again so I can continue where I left off, groping for a good grip and eager to finish. She smiles and tilts her head to watch me but I can’t return the look because it makes me nervous. I close my eyes and grit my teeth as I pump fast and hard so I can get the sick urges out of me. I’m at the mercy of my hormones and lust and I imagine it’s Rey jerking me off.

The chair rattles and I feel her sit behind my head. She gently draws me into her lap, wrapping her legs around my shoulders, and runs her fingers through my hair. I’m on cloud fucking nine. I can smell the shampoo from her shower—mango—and feel the heat from her pussy. I groan and thumb the head of my cock, knowing full well I can cum on command, but I want to drag it out so I can enjoy her touch and her smell. My hips buck as I fight back the urge to finish and I wipe off precum.

She touches the bloody spot on the back of my head. “Mmm… better clean this up. Why don’t you cum and you can go shower after?”

 “No,” I pant, “I want to keep going.”

Rey locks her fingers under my jaw, forcing me to look at her. “Do what I say. Finish.”

I nod quickly and stare into her eyes as my climax rolls over me a second later. My breaths catch in sharp grunts and I groan when cum spurts on my fingers and dribbles on my boxers. Rey strokes my hair and kisses my forehead again while I pant and try to catch my breath. I swallow hard and turn to nuzzle into her pussy but she stands up and is gone before I can inhale her intoxicating scent.

She laughs. “You really are a fuck-up. Sit still while I rearrange your cuffs.”

My legs are trembling from my orgasm but I do what she says and get on my knees. Rey frees my hands and I instantly grab her thighs to drag her to me, nuzzling my nose in her crotch, flicking my tongue across her panties. She holds my head for balance and laughs but doesn’t resist when I nuzzle closer and lick along her slit from the outside. Rey curls her fingers in my hair and our eyes meet.

 “You want to eat me out?” she murmurs, raising an eyebrow.

 “Yes—Yes, please.” I’m smearing cum on the back of her thighs but I don’t care. Maybe it’ll find its way into her pussy. I’ve never eaten a girl out, but how hard can it be?

She dips a finger under her skirt and pushes it in my mouth. “You have to earn that privilege, but I guess I can let you taste me.”

I suck until she rips her finger away from me. Rey slaps one cuff on a wrist and walks behind me to attach them behind my back. She runs a fingertip across my shoulder as she winds to the front and it drifts up underneath my chin again, in the way she likes to make me look at her. I love her. I am hopelessly, irrevocably in love with her.

Rey draws her thumb across the scar on my cheek. “Valium seems to work. I’ll have to ask Finn to get more.” She smiles and reaches under her shirt to take out a collar. “This will help, too.”

Obedient, I arch my neck to let her clap the black piece of steel and leather around my throat. It has a huge, jutting transponder. Rey picks up a small keychain with a couple buttons on it and swings it around her fingertip.

 “This is a shock collar,” she murmurs. “If you don’t do what I say…”

Buzzing heat singes the nerves in my neck. I wince and nod quickly so she knows I understand, then watch her return the keys to her pocket. She runs her fingertips along the shell of my ear.

I swallow. “I’ll never disobey you.” I creep closer on my knees. “Let me eat you out. Let me show you how much I love you, Rey.”

She bursts out laughing. “You think I need _you_ to feel good about myself?”

 “I just want to show you—”

 “I don’t need your help.”

 “I know. I just want to show you how much I love you.”

Rey heaves a sigh and walks off. “Whatever. Stand up.”

Obedient, I try once or twice to get up, but it’s impossible without my hands. She rolls her eyes and offers me hers, bracing to pull me upright and quickly stepping back. She gestures for me to lead the way and I shuffle up the stairs to emerge in the closet where I first heard the screaming. Rey follows and shuts the trapdoor behind us.

Her bedroom is the same mess from when I wandered in. It’s so empty—she doesn’t have any pictures of friends or any furniture. I gaze wistfully at the green blanket as we walk by and Rey yanks on the chain on my handcuffs to make me stop. A second passes, then I feel her small hand roll over my hip bone and very deliberately to my crotch. I stiffen in more ways than one.

Rey shoves me down on the mattress. “You really are pathetic.” Her phone rings and she picks it up, then pushes her foot on the back of my head, making the wound throb. “Go ahead, Benji. Finish what you started earlier.”

 “I don’t understand,” I say, voice muffled by the pillows.

 “Hey, Rosie!” Rey nudges my hip with the tip of her shoe and steps lightly on my back. “Yeah, I got home like two hours ago. Just watching TV.”

My ears burn hot with embarrassment, but I take the hint and tentatively rock my growing hard-on into the blanket underneath me. I turn my head so I can breathe and see Rey casually sit on the floor across the room, checking out her nails and laughing while she talks to Rose Tico. Her legs are crossed over the calf and I stare at her thighs as she rubs them together. She twirls her hair around a finger. It’s up in a set of three buns and she has some makeup on.

 “Rey,” I pant, trying to get her to look at me. “Rey… please…”

 “Oh, can Finn get me some more blue Vs? Like fifty should be good.” She laughs and walks toward me, reaching under the mattress for a roll of duct tape. “You know they take the edge off during finals. He can bring them when we meet up tomorrow for drinks.”

I whimper when she presses a piece of tape over my mouth and she seizes my jaw, turning the phone from her mouth to speak to me. My cock is swollen now and I really want her fingers around it.

She squeezes and locks her eyes on mine. “I don’t give a fuck about you—so don’t talk to me while you’re humping my blankets like a bitch in heat.” Then her smile comes back and she stands, shoving my head away. “Hey, Finn! Yeah, I just need fifty blue Vs. Is that too much, or…?”

The blanket and my boxers are kind of rough but I’m turned on beyond reason just by having Rey in the same room as me. She keeps ignoring my attempts to get her attention and I really want her to look into eyes when I climax. It’s more than I ever dreamed. I’m used to jerking off with my hands but I can imagine its Rey underneath me wearing jeans and we’re in the backseat of her car trying to get off because she has to wait until she’s married to have sex with me.

Rey puts her foot on my back again. “Alright, I’ll have the cash tomorrow. Rose wants to do our calculus homework together before we go to the bar but I don’t really want to watch you two make out the whole time so we’ll just meet up there.”

 “Mmf!” My eyes roll back; I’m getting close.

 “Yeah, you do! It’s like two bloodhounds going at it.” She leans closer to the back of my head. “Come on, Ben—you were so horny earlier. Don’t you still want to cum all over _my_ blanket?”

I hesitate. She was upset earlier about the whole thing… So why is she encouraging to do it now? I don’t move for a minute and Rey leans over to look at my face, smirking when she sees my wide, confused look. Is it… like a test? Because I’m so close it’s physically painful and I can’t help making small thrusts into the blanket while we stare at each other.

Fuck—I take a few sharp breaths, struggling to stop myself, but having Rey’s eyes on mine pushes me over the edge and I’m helpless. My eyes roll back again and I pant into the duct tape as I spill all over my boxers and her blanket with a strangled groan. Rey raises an eyebrow and casually tell Finn she has to go, then rests her weight on the top of her thigh, arms crossed, to smile coldly at me.

 “Feel better, Benji?” she asks.

I nod quickly, breathing hard through my nose as the pleasure ebbs out of me. She pushes me on my back with her foot and laughs at the white stains on my boxers and all over the blanket. I’m humiliated by the sight of it, no longer flying high in a lusty haze, and wish I could curl up and die.

Rey stands over my hips with her hands on her waist. “Guess you got what you wanted. But everything good in life comes at a cost… So I think you should stay here for a bit instead of taking a shower.” She leans over and grasps my jaw again, smiling. “Then you’ll know how disgusting you are.”

Then she kisses my forehead and I arch into it, closing my eyes, before she leaves me alone, locking the door behind her. I smile into the duct tape. She’s giving me tough love; helping me see the error of my ways. I’ll do whatever she wants. Rey knows what’s best for me.


	4. They're in my head

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~*~*~cw for rape~*~*~
> 
> i write this when i'm drunk btw DOES IT SHOW   
> write drunk edit sober totally works  
> sometimes
> 
> this is getting pretty fucked up already   
> also don't forget this -loosely- follows KS so don't expect a play-by-play

Hours pass before my Rey comes back for me. I fall asleep on the mattress and wake up to find I’m still alone, wrists chained behind my back and ankles handcuffed together. My back hurts like hell, and so does my head, but I roll into the blanket where I came and groan into the duct tape. Rey—where is she? It’s not a big change from my usual day-to-day of stalking her Facebook and cumming on pictures of her. I nuzzle into the blanket, pleased that is smells like both of us, and wish I wasn’t so groggy.

I look around the small room and hesitantly roll on top of the green blanket again, adjusting it under my hips until I can rub my cock on it. The collar strains on my throat as I pant into the tape and think about Rey lying underneath me with her pale legs spread for me. She’ll beg me for it and love the feeling of my cum inside her and nine months later we’ll have a baby who I’ll love unconditionally. I’ll take care of both of them. Rey can stay home and rest and I’ll take of them.

I took care of mom when dad was away all the time. I’ll do it again.

The front door opens a distance away. I roll off the blanket in a flustered rush and clear my throat when I hear voices in the other side of the house. My heart skips a beat when I hear someone talking to Rey and I flood with angry jealousy. I’ll kill him.

My love peeks inside the bedroom and smiles. She closes the door softly behind her and saunters toward me to crawl across my lap in her little white skirt. I stare as she rests back on her calves and my eyelids flutter when her warm pussy touches my cock. Fuck.

 “I have a friend here, Ben,” Rey whispers. “Do you want to meet her?”

I nod. Yes. I want to know who I have to kill. Rey is MINE.

She beams and stands up to help me into the closet, then shuts the door most of the way. Frowning, I roll on my stomach to watch Rey bring a blonde woman inside with her small fingertips. It surprises me and I stare as Rey turns the girl so they’re both facing me from an angle.

 “I don’t usually do this,” the girl stammers.

Rey tugs off the girl’s shirt. “I know. It’s okay.” She dips her head to kiss the stranger’s nipples through her bra, then unhooks it so she can suck the whole areola inside.

Oh, Jesus. I’m already horny but watching them makes me harder. Rey leans back and pushes the girl’s wet lips to her own breasts, moaning and holding her head in place the entire time. It’s better than any porn I’ve ever seen. I rub on the floor and stare at them as Rey lowers her ‘friend’ to the bed.

Rey gets on top and hikes up the girl’s skirt. They both roll their hips and make hot, girly little moans, and I wish I could reach my cock. She arches back on top of the girl and brushes her hair over her neck with both hands, rolling her hips and biting her lower lip. I grunt into the tape and keep grinding into the wooden floor, even though it hurts, desperate to pretend Rey is underneath me.

For some reason, my Rey doesn’t strip. They roll over so Rey is the bottom and the girl goes under Rey’s skirt, tugging down her white panties. Rey laughs under her breath and one of her small hands drapes inside the closet, only a few inches from mine. My breath catches and I unsurely struggle closer to nuzzle my cheek into her palm.

Her fingers tighten and she rips off the tape while the girl between her legs delves deeper. I gasp into her palm and Rey pushes her middle finger in my mouth before I can do much else. Eager, I suck and shift closer, catching her upside-down gaze as she guides the girl’s head exactly where she wants it. She smirks at me and squeezes my jaw and her lips drape open with little pants.

It goes on for a long time. Rey pushes down on the girl’s head until she comes, which is a bit of a magical experience for me, watching her brown eyes roll back and her hips squirm to ride out the pleasure. I pull harder on her finger to let her know I’m right there with her but she turns over the return the favor to the stranger and her finger pops out of my mouth. I lick my lips and watch Rey prop the girl’s hips up like she’s about to start, then suddenly stop.

 “Let’s make this interesting,” she murmurs. “Come on, Tatiana.”

I scramble back when Rey guides the girl to her feet and kisses her breasts again. Tatiana giggles when Rey throws open the closet door and I try to squeeze myself into the dark corner. The trapdoor opens and Rey coos to the girl to get her to go down, then glances at me as she stands on the top step.

 “Benji,” she croons, “would you like to join us?”

I nod quickly and she laughs, beckoning for me to follow. It’s hard, but I manage to get up and bend under the door and Rey watches me walk down into the darkness, too. She sits on the third step and grasps my jaw to kiss my forehead, running her fingers through my hair. I stare at her and my heart pounds from our proximity. _I love you._

She gazes into my eyes. “I brought you a present, Ben.”

Oh—a present?! I beam and follow her down the stairs to where Tatiana is turning in circles, drinking it all in. Rey strokes my cheek before she turns to face the other woman and draws her into a passionate kiss. Tatiana glances at me, but she’s much more interested in tonguing Rey and closes her blue eyes. I stand near the bottom step and stare, trying not to get hard at the sight.

Rey shoves her on the floor and tugs down her panties. “Eat me out.”

Tatiana gives in and dips between Rey’s thighs. I walk around them so I can see Rey’s face as she whimpers and moans and grinds into Tatiana’s face. She nods towards the wall and I see a set of chains. Rey smiles as she edges Tatiana towards the wall and slides down to slap manacles around the girl’s wrists. I back away and kneel, too, hoping Rey will notice me instead.

 “Who’s he?” Tatiana asks. “I mean, I don’t want to have sex with a guy.” She seems drunk.

Rey fixes her panties and wanders over to me. She strokes my hair and kisses my forehead, then beckons for me to follow her. I crawl on the floor to stop beside Tatiana and Rey frees my wrists behind my back. She traces my jaw on her way back to my front and I grab her thighs, desperate to feel her pussy pressed against me again.

 “No, Ben,” Rey murmurs. “I have something better for you.”

She yanks off Tatiana’s panties and the girl is left in her red dress with nothing else on. She struggles against the handcuffs and pleads with Rey to tell her what’s going on. I look up at Rey and find she’s smiling and edging me on.

Her brown eyes light up. “Go ahead, Ben. She’s clean. Now you can lose your virginity.”

 “I’m not a virgin,” I lie, laughing uncomfortably.

 “Sure.” She pushes me towards Tatiana. “Then fuck her.”

Tatiana pants in fear until Rey covers her mouth with duct tape. I blink up at her, confused, wishing she wanted me to fuck her instead. But Rey nudges me between the girl’s legs and I swallow hard. I don’t want to rape anyone, especially a stranger. I dip my head and shake it, nervous.

 “Rey,” I say, “I don’t want to do this.”

She leans across my back and her soft hand strokes my cock. “You’ll do what I say.”

I’m afraid to resist her, mostly because I want her to love me, and don’t resist as Rey positions me at the girl’s entrance. My pulse pounds as she pumps me and I thrust back until I find I’m pushing into wet, pliant flesh instead of Rey’s palm. I pant and keep going, edging through centimeters of yielding flesh, until I’m completely buried inside Tatiana. The girl whimpers and tries to shift away.

 “Fuck!” I spit. “Fuck!”

It’s like a switch is flipped. I eagerly thrust into Tatiana and bury my face in her neck, drunk on lust, wanting nothing more than to cum. She pants in time with my thrusts and I can feel her clenching around my cock as I quickly swell and get hotter and hotter. Rey keeps stroking my hair, watching us like we’re in a zoo, and I clench my jaw. I’ll hold off. I can—

My orgasm hits fast and hard. I grunt and fuck Tatiana as fast as I can, pumping all my juices inside her tight wetness and groaning into her neck. It’s incredible. It’s better than my palm or any fake Fleshlight I’ve made. I keep thrusting when I’m done, hoping for more cum.

Rey kisses my temple. “Good boy. I want you to keep practicing on her.”

It’s a blur. I can’t resist the urge to keep driving inside Tatiana, even though she’s crying into the duct tape. Rey kisses my face and murmurs to me while Tatiana cries and I’m turned on by the prior. I fuck her on the dirty basement floor—fucking a girl; I never thought I would—and I manage to climax again. Groaning, I spill inside Tatiana and relish in the sensation of her trembling pussy. That’s right, bitch. Best you’ve ever had.

Rey laughs and tugs my head back to kiss my lips. “Good boy, Benji. Let’s go wash up.”

My hands are free but Rey doesn’t seem to mind. She binds Tatiana’s ankles so she can’t move at all. I’m elated. I’m not a virgin anymore.

We go upstairs and I wring my hands, nervous.

 “That… That was my first time.”

 “I know.” Rey smiles and presses her head to my upper arm. “What do you think?”

 “It was amazing.” I blink, looking down into her beautiful eyes. “I mean, I would’ve preferred you, but I guess it was good practice since I came so fast.”

Rey beams. “Exactly. You can use her whenever you want, Benji. She’s yours.”

The bathroom is off the living room. Rey pushes me inside and locks the door, then helps me strip out of my cum-covered boxers and pulls off my tank top. I kiss her forehead hard and she giggles and shoves me inside the shower. Her brown eyes light up when I shiver under the stream of water and she sits on the counter to watch me wash my hair and body. I flinch on the wound at the back of my head.

Well… I guess I raped someone. Kind of. I scrub soap out of my scalp and clench my teeth. Not really. She never said no. So, it’s fine. Actually, I was the only one who said no.

Rey steps in the shower to help me clean my hair. She has a bra and panties on and tersely tells me to bend my neck so she can wash it. I stare at her feet while she rubs her skinny fingers through my thick black hair and watch dried blood spill out into the drain. She hums and kisses the crown of my skull when she’s done, gradually letting go. I want her so fucking bad.

I seize her hips and kiss her pussy, drenched in soapy water. Rey sighs as I tug down her panties and slip my tongue through her folds, hungry and horny. She touches my hair and whimpers as my I delve deeper, tasting her natural flavor and getting hard from it. I have no clue what I’m doing so I awkwardly lick her and suck at the top of her clit. Normal?

 “Stop, stop.” Rey shoves me back, scowling. “You suck, Ben. Jesus.”

I blink. “I’m sorry.”

 “Just finish up.”

Rey’s word is law, so I finish washing up and step out. She dries me off, arms first, and motions for me to move my arms behind me back so she can handcuff me. I do so obediently and smile when she helps me put on clean white boxers and a white tank top.

She brings me to a different bedroom that has girly decorations. It must be her false bedroom. I stagger inside and Rey pushes me on the bed to attach my handcuffs to the wall. There’s horse posters and real furniture—even a TV. I roll on my back and smile when Rey leans over me.

 “Stay quiet,” she murmurs. “I’ll bring you to Tatiana tomorrow. Tonight, I need some rest.”

I nod. “I know. I just want to be good for you.”

Rey smirks and kisses my forehead again. “I know you do, Benji. Sleep well.”

Again she leaves, and I’m alone in the darkness. I turn on my stomach to smell her pillows and begin rolling my hips into the mattress. Rey smells so good.


	5. I'm so ugly, but that's okay, 'cause so are you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw for rape again sorry
> 
> i should probably update something else................

 “Benji—breakfast!”

My eyes roll open at the sound of Rey’s voice. I yawn and blink a few times before I see her standing in the doorframe with an apron on and not much else. She shifts her hips and smiles while I scramble to sit up and drink in the image. I’ll use it to jerk off later. Rey with a bowl of pancake batter in her arms… Yeah, I can use that for a fantasy.

I beam at her. “Can I help?”

 “No, you goon; just come out and eat.” She laughs and walks off, hips swaying.

Yup. Okay. I use my momentum to get to my feet and stagger a few inches before getting to the doorjamb. It smells like bacon and syrup and my stomach growls. I swallow and wander down the hall towards the sound of _Nirvana_ and the scent of breakfast. I’m not a virgin anymore. Crazy.

Rey has a plate on both tables: the big one and the small one on the floor. I hesitate, staring at her back while she flips bacon, then she turns and gestures to the floor.

 “Sit,” she says. “That’s your table.”

I nod quickly and cross my legs at the small table. Rey scoops my breakfast on a plate and kisses the top of my head before she walks off to get her own. I pick up my fork and listen to the calm melody of _Heart-Shaped Box_ while Rey gets her food ready. Ah. Beautiful. She jams bacon in her mouth and smiles when she notices me watching. I smile back.

 “Tatiana is ready.” Rey sits at the bigger table and eyes me. “Want to fuck her again?”

 “I want to fuck you.”

Rey laughs and spoons eggs into her mouth. “I know, but you need practice.”

Fair enough. We finish eating and she takes the plates to the dishwasher before helping me to my feet. My hands are free but I don’t care. I follow her through the house to the dirtier bedroom and rub the hem of her shirt between my fingers. Rey turns to smile up at me and sinks her nails in my hips when I kiss her forehead. She’s not afraid to tell me ‘no.’

 “I’m busy today,” she murmurs. “Practice with Tatiana, okay?”

I nod. “Yes, of course.”

We walk down to the basement and I hear Tatiana sobbing in the darkness. My ankles are still bound but I get hard at the sight of her naked body squirming in the dirt, and Rey shoves me on top of her. I know Rey wants to watch us so I pull out my cock and work on getting it stiffer. Tatiana screams into the duct tape but I angle my hips and aggressively push myself inside her unyielding body.

Rey sits beside us. “Good boy, Benji.”

I thrust harder, intending on fucking Tatiana senseless. She cries but can’t fight back because her arms are restrained above her head. Rey strokes the side of my face and murmurs to me and I feel pressure to climax inside Tatiana as soon as possible. I grunt and hide my face in the pillows while I fuck her, imaging it’s Rey writhing underneath me. She whimpers and thrusts back and it comes fast.

 “Fuck!” I hiss. “Fuck... Fuck, Rey!”

Like the animal I am, I cum deep inside Tatiana, thrusting fast and hard. She whimpers and her hips meet mine in a few weak thrusts but I rub out into her pussy and groan Rey’s name under my breath. Tatiana stiffens but doesn’t say anything.

It’s over. Tatiana pants in my ear and I lean back to withdraw, feeling my cum still clinging to the head of my cock. Rey stands and walks past me, running her nails across my upper back, and I suddenly feel sick. I stare down at Tatiana and my stomach turns. Her blue eyes are filled with tears and she’s covered in dirt from the basement floor and my cum is leaking out of her. I might puke.

I shake my head, eyes wide. “I don’t want to do this, Rey.”

 “Why not?”

 “I… I don’t like hurting her.” I look up at Rey with a pleading look and smile a little. “Maybe that’s enough practice? We can let her go and—”

My collar buzzes and a hot electric shock jolts through my neck that almost knocks me over. Gasping, I brace for another shock that feels even worse and makes me drop on my elbows. A chain jangles and attaches to the cuffs on my ankles and I watch Rey stand beside Tatiana, swinging the keychain that controls the collar around her finger. She’s smiling but the light doesn’t reach her eyes.

 “You have two choices, Ben,” she says. “Either you can fuck Tatiana, or you can kill her. So, what’s it going to be?”

 “Rey, please—”

She puts her foot on my back. “Pick one.”

 “Rey—”

Electricity snaps through my neck again and I buckle from the pain. Rey steps on the back of my head and pushes down so my cheek is pressed into the cold dirt between Tatiana’s knees. She rolls her heel, grinding my face into the floor.

 “Pick,” she says dully, like she’s given someone this choice before. “Or you’ll be punished.”

 “I… I don’t understand. I love you—why are you making me do this?!”

Rey sighs and sends another jolt through me so she can handcuff my arms behind my back. I struggle, now confused and upset, and she throws me on my back and stands over my hips. For a second I can see her with the chainsaw, grinning and tearing into my left shoulder. The hallucination fades and all I see is her cold glare, brown eyes dark with something evil.

She cocks her head. “If you really loved me, you’d do what I say. I brought you Tatiana as a present, Ben, and you’re telling me you don’t _like_ her? If you won’t practice, you’ll never be worth my time.” She smiles, wide and cruel. “You barely last a minute right now and you have no idea how to eat a woman out. You’re worthless. I might as well kill you.”

My eyes water—fuck. “I’m sorry.”

 “You’ve never touched a woman, have you?” she continues, laughing. “Bet they knew you were crazy. How did you think things would turn out if I actually talked to you?”

 “I… I don’t know. I always knew you loved me, but you needed some convincing.”

 “Convincing? Like raping me?”

I shake my head fast but the truth bites in the back of my mind. “No! Never!”

Rey raises an eyebrow, indifferent. “You raped Tatiana without much convincing. What did you think you’d do, Benny? Wait until I was leaving a bar and drunk enough to go back to your tiny, dirty apartment?”

I’m not some kind of sicko. I don’t rape girls, or kidnap them, or stalk them. Rey and I are soulmates, so it’s different. I mean, if she was out in public drunk, she would be in danger and it’s my responsibility to protect her. We would’ve gone to her house and I would help her shower and get into her pajamas and bring her to bed. I KNOW she loves me. If she ever refused, it would be because she’s confused, not because she doesn’t want me. She just needs to understand.

 “We’re soulmates,” I say weakly. “We’re meant to be together. You’re confused.”

 “You think?” She walks off into the darkness. “Let me guess—only your dick can fix my confusion?”

Tatiana is falling asleep by the wall. I watch Rey open a drawer and admire her black short-shorts and pink sports bra. She still has the apron on from the kitchen.

I swallow hard, shaking my head. “No, no; I just… It’s hard for you to understand.”

 “Why? Do you think I’m stupid, Ben?”

 “No!” I roll on my side and sit up, panicking. “No, never! You’re beautiful and smart and I… I love you so much that sometimes I don’t know how to express it.”

 “Uh huh.”

Rey comes back and attaches my cuffs to the wall beside Tatiana. I have a foot to move but not much else. She wanders off, whistling to herself, and I glance down at the poor girl lying beside me. She’s obviously exhausted and looks like she’s asleep, slumped on the wall, covered in dirt and shivering miserably. I swallow a lump in my throat and look up as Rey comes back and drops a bottle of lube in my lap. She frees Tatiana from the wall, instead only cuffing one hand and one ankle.

Rey yawns. “Tati, if you aren’t covered in cum when I get back, I’m killing you. If you are—oh, and bonus points if you make Ben cry—I’ll let you take a shower and eat.” She nudges my knee with her toe. “An eye for an eye, right? I have class and I’m going out after, so don’t wait up for me.”

I want to fucking cry. All my life I’ve just wanted someone to love me and touch me and I’m watching Rey leave me behind like everyone else does. Mom was too busy, dad was never home. I was always so needy and emotional and they didn’t know what to do with me. I slump over in my restraints and cry into the empty darkness until I feel a small hand on my thigh.

Tatiana is leaning towards me, blue eyes full of tears. “I’m sorry. I can’t die.”

She crawls in my lap and I start shaking my head. No, no, no… She’s pretty, but I feel sick thinking of touching her again, and I don’t want her using my body like a toy.

But my body reacts like it always does and I figure it’s like poetic justice or something. Both of us cry the entire time, which is kind of nice in a way, and we don’t really talk to one another. I try to at least get something useful out of it and focus on restraining myself while Tatiana bobs in my lap. She doesn’t make any noise and keeps her panting quiet under her breath and it makes me feel even worse for what I did to her. I close my eyes and think about Rey. Who else?

It feels like it’s been days when we’re both too tired to keep going. I glance at Tati and my dried cum all over her and her head lolls to the side so she can look back at me. We don’t speak. I’m just glad she didn’t blow me. I want Rey to do that first.

The door opens and my heart leaps. I sit up straighter, thirsty for more than water, and brighten when I see Rey hopping down the stairs in jeans and a R.E.M. t-shirt. She claps a few times when she sees Tati with her head bowed beside me and I wriggle like an excited puppy when her brown eyes shift to me. She smiles and draws her fingers under my chin to kiss my forehead. She smells like cucumber.

 “Your face is all red.” Her smile morphs into a condescending pout and she brushes a thumb across my cheek. “Don’t tell me you were upset.”

 “I didn’t want to hurt her.” I nuzzle into her palm and close my eyes. “I thought about you.”

 “Did you? Good. I’m always on top, Ben—and I don’t care if you say no.”

Tati comes to life. “I did what you said—now let me shower!”

Rey’s smile while she’s petting me disappears. Her eyes narrow and she glances at Tati, still cupping my cheek. I could purr. I’m so fucking happy. I don’t need to fuck her. I just want to lie next to her and feel her fingers in my hair and be touched; somehow, anyhow. I just want someone to love me.

 “Of course, Tati,” Rey says in a cool tone. “I’ll be right back.”

Her hand is gone and I whimper. She stalks off into the darkness and comes back with the biggest, most ridiculous butcher knife I’ve ever seen. It’s clean and sparkly and dangling from her fingertips. Rey casually steps up beside Tatiana, readjusts her grip with two hands instead of one, and swings the blade right through her throat with a sickening squelch.

It clangs into the stone wall and blood immediately gushes out, drenching Rey’s hands and staining the knife. She smiles at me as she relaxes back and Tatiana’s head rolls right off her shoulders and into her lap without another breath or another word. I stare blankly at the decapitated corpse before it slumps over and falls on the floor, spilling blood everywhere in the dirt.

Rey sighs. “Well, that was fun while it lasted. I’ll get another one when I’m out tonight.”

I blink in shock and shift away from the puddle of blood slowly oozing towards me. Rey casually hacks the blade into Tatiana’s shoulder like it’s a fucking knife block and frees me from the wall. She goes to the dirty half-shower in the corner and rinses off her hands while I keep staring at Tati’s dead body. But… she said… she said if we did what she asked…

 “I’m going to bring you upstairs,” Rey calls. “It’s kind of fun having you here. You’re totally nuts.”

 “Why did you do that?” I ask before I realize it.

Rey helps me to my feet and frowns. “What? Kill her?”

 “…Yes?”

She laughs and shrugs, guiding me towards the stairs. “I don’t know. She was bugging me, I guess. People get so loud and demanding. That’s why I like you, Benny.”

Oh—she likes me. Good. I smile as we go upstairs and Rey leads me through her house to the second bedroom with all the stupid horse decorations. She tugs back the sheets and uncuffs my ankles but hesitates and leaves the ones around my wrists. I get it. She’s being smart. That’s why I love her.

I sit on the edge of the bed while she attaches me to the wall. She looks so good—but she looks good in everything. Or out of it. I lick my lips.

 “I love you,” I mumble for the hundredth time.

 “I know.”

Ugh, I have to say something else. I sound like a fucking nitwit.

 “So…” I pause, thinking hard. “Why do you do this?”

Rey laughs and pushes my shoulder so I lie down. “Do what? Kill people? Because I want to.” She leans across me to free my wrists and gestures for me to cross them in front so she can cuff them again. “If you’re looking for a sob story, I don’t have one for you, but I know you have one for me.”

Ah. My shoulders feel a lot better now that they’re not being stretched back. I settle into the pillows and shrug as Rey tucks the blankets around me. I kind of expect a bedtime story.

 “My parents are good people,” I say, yawning. “Dad’s dead. They were just busy a lot.”

Rey sits next to me and brushes my hair back, smiling. “Poor lonely Ben. Is that why you’re so crazy?”

I don’t reply, just arch into her touch like a cat. She runs her fingers through my thick black hair a few more times before she gets up and I feel empty again without her touching me. I’m always empty. I need something to fill the void inside me or I’m afraid it will eventually swallow me whole.

 “Wait!”

Rey turns at the door and looks back at me. I know exactly how I look: wide-eyed and desperate and crazy. Sometimes I’d catch the look in the rear window of mom’s SUV as she drove off to another meeting or summit or whatever. It was pathetic, but I’d always been insatiably needy and emotional. Then the mood swings started a before I knew it, I was being diagnosed by some fucking shrink—

 “I’ll be back,” Rey calls softly. “Relax and get some rest. I won’t leave you, Ben.”

My eyes are already welling up with tears and she groans and rolls her eyes and comes back to kiss my forehead again. I break down into sobs and grab her shirt with my bound hands and nuzzle under her chin, terrified of losing her and being left alone with this big empty darkness in me. I can’t bear it anymore. If she leaves, I’ll slit my fucking wrists.

I pull her closer, smearing tears on her neck. “I love you. I love you so much… Please don’t leave me.”

 “I just fucking said I won’t. Get a grip.”

 “But… But you’re going right now.”

Rey yanks my head back by my hair to make me look up at her. She’s scowling. “I’m not your mother. I’m not going to spend every second of my life with you. Now calm down and go to sleep.”

She shoves me away and pries my hands from her shirt, then leaves without another word. I sink into the pillows and struggle to control my crying until it’s reduced to hiccups. Okay… Calm down, Ben. She’ll be back. She’ll be back. She’ll be back. She’ll be back…


	6. We've broken our mirrors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH NO BEN
> 
> this became like 800% more graphic than i intended

_“I don’t have time, Ben.”_

_Mom is on her phone texting someone while she drops me off at therapy. I’m nuzzling into her upper arm, smelling her flowery perfume and telling her about a concert I want to go to with her. She likes classical music and I found out the 1812 Overture is coming to Chicago in a few weeks._

_I struggle closer, still small at thirteen, and swallow. “Oh… Okay. Will you pick me later?”_

_“I’m not sure.” She kisses the top of my head absentmindedly and texts fast. “Maybe your doctor can drop you off home, hm?”_

_“…Okay.”_

_The secretary calls me back. Mom gives me another kiss and leaves with a small wave. She’s so busy. She’s trying to push a bill that will protect sex trafficking victims from testifying in court. I wave to the back of her head and follow the secretary to my therapist’s office._

_It smells like cologne. I wander inside and sit in the plush faux-leather maroon chair and scuff my sneakers on the worn carpet. My doctor is sitting in front of his laptop and he smiles and my skin crawls. But he touches me and it makes my skin feel better. I just want someone to touch me. I want someone to love me and listen to me. My emotions are all over the place. I can’t control them._

_His blue eyes light up. “Hello, Ben. Why don’t you sit in my lap?”_

The nightmarish memory fades when I wake up swaddled in Rey’s blankets, inhaling her scent from her pillows. I grit my teeth and groan and roll on my back. Ah—fuck. Fucking… fuck.

I sit up, chains jangling, and run my hands through my hair. No need to think about that. Rey is coming back for me, and we’ll probably lay together all night and I can feel her soft skin on mine. I’m in her bed, wrapped up in sheets that smell like her, not sitting in Snoke’s lap with his gnarled fingers around my hips. No need to think about that. No need to think about that. No need to—

 “Benji, I’m home!”

My pulse quickens and I perk up at the sound of Rey’s voice. The front door shuts and I hear the lock turn. I wriggle excitedly in bed and wring the comforter in my fists while I wait for her to come see me in the bedroom. No need to think about that. I have Rey.

She opens the door and swings inside in a thigh-length black dress. I pull on my restraints and figure I’d wag my tail if I had one. Her brown eyes are kind of hazy and she laughs when she sees me and stumbles towards the bed. She’s drunk. I recognize it, mostly from Uncle Luke.

 “I missed you,” I bleat. “Did you have fun?”

Rey nods, pouting her lower lip. “Oh, yeah. Had a lot of shots.” She giggles. “You’re still laying here, huh?”

 “You said you’d come back.”

 “I did, didn’t I?” She crawls into my lap and smiles. “Do you want a reward?”

I nod spastically. “Yes, yes. Yes, please.”

 “What do you want, Benji?”

 “Whatever you’ll give me.”

She laughs and straddles my hips and I can feel her warmth on my cock. I clench my fists and weakly thrust my hips, drawing another giggle from her pretty mouth. I pull on the front of her dress and swallow hard and fight back tears. I was so scared she wouldn’t come back. It’s stupid. Mom always told me she’d come back and sometimes she did. Dad didn’t.

I cling to Rey. “I love you.”

 “I know, lovebug.” She holds my wrists in her small hands and beams. “Why don’t you keep going? Would you like that?”

Yes. I grasp her hips as well as I can with my wrists bound and try to push her down into my groin. She giggles and rolls her hips in long circles and I groan and gently rock into the wet warmth under her dress. Rey balances on my ribs and helps me, pressing down, and I whimper and thrust pitifully into her. I’m so close… I could turn over and rip off her little panties and force my cock in her.

Rey makes cute girly panting sounds. “Good boy.”

My mind spins with possibilities as I roll my thumbs into her hip bones. She’s so small. I can flip her over and be buried inside her before she has a second to think about it. My head burns, hungry and hot, thinking about Rey squirming underneath me and begging me and sinking her nails in my arm… It’s what she wants. Why else is she on top of me? Act now, think later. Now. Now. NOW.

I seize Rey’s dress and roll on top of her in one swift motion. It’s a dizzying high and I feel more like a man than I ever have in my whole life when she grabs my biceps and gasps in surprise. She shifts around and I thrust desperately, struggling to pull off her panties but too horny to quit going at her like a rabbit huffing Viagra. Her clinging hands start pushing my shoulders.

 “Ben—” She pants, trying to wedge her knee between us. “ _No._ ”

 “But… I…” My face is buried in her neck and I can smell cologne. I nose closer, fumbling with her panties, and settle for helplessly thrusting against her and hoping they magically get out of my fucking way. “Please?”

 “I said no.”

I puff irately, whining like a pissed-off kid, but do what Rey says and roll on my side so she can get up. She lays next to me and scowls as she spits in her palm and wraps her fingers around my cock. She’s mad, but she’s touching me, so I whimper and nuzzle under her chin so she knows I’m sorry.

Her other fingers run through my hair. “If you do that again, I’ll break your legs.”

 “I’m sorry.” I trace her collarbone with the tip of my nose and my wrists strain in the cuffs, desperate to feel her skin again. “I love you so much.”

 “Yeah, whatever.”

Her grip is just right. I grunt into her neck and buck my hips, still thinking of pinning her underneath me and ripping through her white panties, and I kiss her skin and taste salt. She draws her fingers idly through my hair while I pant and squirm and the bed creaks in the quiet darkness. I’m not… I’m not some kind of sicko. I don’t want to hurt her. But her palm is so soft and every time I thrust through it my weeping cock brushes her thigh and I’m s _o close…_

Rey’s drunk—she can’t fight back. I wriggle a bit closer, trying to hold back from finishing, and worm her closer to the wall. She mumbles and I realize she’s falling asleep. Her grip’s getting weak and this time when I pump into her touch I feel the fabric of her panties. I swallow and slow down and keep kissing her neck as her fingers stop moving in my hair. My pulse roars in my ears. She’s passing out.

Her hands droop and her breathing slows. It smells like alcohol. I squirm closer, clawing at her dress to bring it above her hips, and push my cock against her bare stomach. Careful—quiet. Don’t want to wake her up and scare her. It’s easier if I let her sleep. She’s so tired.

I move up in bed so her head is under my chin and thrust on her soft, flat belly. “Of course I’ll have sex with you, Rey.” I smell her hair, groping her hips. “Sleepy girl. Sleepy, sleepy.”

Rey mumbles in her sleep. I can hear her talking to me. Not out loud, but we can talk through our minds. It’s how I knew she was in love with me before she did. I can read her thoughts.

 “I know,” I chirrup to the vague voice in my head. “I’ll be gentle. I’m nervous, too.”

The angle is too weird for me to pull her panties off all the way so I end up sliding my cock through the top of her underwear and rubbing on her slit. She’s so fucking wet. My eyes roll back and my breath catches and I clench my hands into fists, fighting the urge to cum. No—no! This is everything I wanted and I’m going to make it last.

I roll my hips and feel the heat of her entrance on the head of my cock. “I forgot a condom—oh, you don’t care?” I inch forward, trying to be slow so she doesn’t wake up. “You want my cum? Want me to fill you up?” She’s so _fucking wet_ — “Want to have my babies?”

It’s too overwhelming. I climax with a muffled groan before I can push all the way inside her, filling her panties with cum that seeps back and coats my cock. It’s really erotic for some reason and I pant into her hair and kiss her head and keep thrusting when I’m done. I feel powerful. Rey is lying next to me pinned between me and the wall and her little white panties are soaked in _my_ cum. Some of it probably slipped inside her, too, so maybe I’ll take root in her.

I’m insatiable. Rey slumps against my chest and I eagerly keep rubbing my cock through her folds, content to feel her from the outside. She’s mine. I grab her, straining her against me, and I’m so happy I want to cry. She’s mine. I love her.

The head of my cock starts pushing inside her again and I get a few centimeters and almost instantly finish when I realize it. I angle her hips so I can spurt into her and I groan and claw to keep her body against mine. Fuck. She’s soft and wet and languid in my arms, snoring lightly. I could do this all night. I’m so excited that I’m finishing a little at a time and I keep thrusting, hoping to bury myself in her when I have a really strong orgasm.

 “You like this,” I whisper, not as a question. “I’m a good boy.”

Rey grumbles in her sleep and I take it as a ‘yes.’ I’m confident now so I thrust harder and keep worming my hips to slip all the way inside her pussy, desperate to feel—

 “…Ben?”

My chest squeezes. I lean back to find her blearily opening her eyes, squinting at me. She yawns and squeezes my chest for a second, then her brown eyes slowly widen.

I panic, caught with my cock down her panties. “I can ex—”

Rey slaps me hard across the face and scrambles away, leaving me cold and horny. I sit up as she gets out of the bed and hurriedly takes off her panties and stares at them in revulsion. Her pretty face clouds over angrily and she gets a roll of duct tape from the nightstand.

 “You’re disgusting!” she snaps.

She shoves her panties in my mouth and covers it with duct tape. I flinch at the salty taste of my own cum and shake my head fast, desperate to apologize. Rey wraps a bunch of it around my hands until they’re completely covered and she slaps me across the face again. Her jaw clenches, then she wraps her fingers and my throat and starts choking me.

 “What did I say?!” She shakes me a little and smacks me. “You fucking… I should just cut the damn thing off since you can’t stop acting like a wild animal!”

I nod in agreement and cry into the tape. Maybe she’ll strangle me. Probably not—her hands are too small to get a good grip. But I close my eyes and keep agreeing while she berates me, knowing full well that she’s right like always.

When she leaves to shower, slamming the door shut behind her, I’m left with the awful realization that not only would I do it again, but I would enjoy it again.


	7. Sunday morning is everyday for all I care

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow, i'm so sorry, i got bitchslapped with writer's block for the past two days D:
> 
> CONTENT WARNING childhood sexual abuse

 “ _Ben, what do you think of your parents?”_

_Snoke has his deep blue eyes riveted on mine. I shrug, squirming in my seat. He’s asked me this question before and I’ve never had an answer. I’m only thirteen and I have no friends. I shrug, nervous, and don’t meet my psychiatrist’s eyes. Mom and dad are great. I love them._

_“Nothing,” I mumble._

_“Oh.” Snoke never writes, just stares at me. He sets his pen and paper aside and gestures towards me. “Come sit, Ben. It will help.”_

_I squirm out of my chair and nervously cross the room. Snoke smiles and scoops me into his lap, my back on his hard, cold chest, and I feel his breath on my neck. Something hard pushes between my legs but he says it’s normal. I close my eyes and take a deep breath._

_He grasps my hips and rolls me in his lap. “Good boy. Tell me how you feel.”_

_“I… I don’t know.” I grasp his thighs and tears well in my eyes. “I want my mom.”_

_“Shh… Mommy isn’t here, little Ben. Talk to me.”_

“Ben.”

Ooo—Rey! I blink and jerk up in bed to find her standing in the doorway in black leggings and a band t-shirt from Brand New. She looks a little sad. The gag is gone from my mouth and I work my jaw to get the feeling back, smiling at her. Yuck; bad dreams.

 “You were crying in your sleep,” she says.

My hands are bound behind my back and I shrug. “I do that sometimes.”

Her soft brown eyes assess me, thinking, and she ambles closer. I keep smiling and wriggle as she touches my cheek with her cool palm and kisses my forehead and I nuzzle closer. Rey dips her face to the crook of my neck and I hum contently in my chest, almost purring like a cat.

 “Come on,” she sighs.

Rey lets my wrists free and I follow her through the house to the kitchen. She pushes me down by the smaller table and goes to a steaming pot of something on the stove. I can grab her, but I don’t. Last night was a huge mistake and I want my soulmate to love me back.

I stare at her, twitching, thinking of my cum soaking her little white panties. Rey glances at me over her shoulder and smiles and I smile back. I overpowered her. I can pin her underneath me and fuck her through those flimsy panties. She’ll be tight and wet and warm and smile while she cries. I was so close. I felt her, even if it was just a bit, and I marked her with my cum. Mine.

Rey sighs, giving me a bowl of soup. “I’m sorry about last night, Benny. I was drunk.”

 “Yes—it’s okay.” I watch her sit at the bigger table and push my free hands between my thighs to keep them from wandering. “I’m sorry for… you know.” I redden. “I’m sorry. I love you.”

She shrugs and spoons soup in her mouth, scrolling around on her laptop. “No biggie. I’m used to men trying to rape me.”

We’re both quiet for a long time. Rey has her long tan legs curled under her and gulps down a few bowls of soup before I can blink. I try to be polite with mine and peek up at her while she studies something on her laptop. She’s beautiful. I want to show her how much I love her. She just—she needs to _understand._ I wasn’t raping her. I’m not a bad person. I don’t do things like that. But if that’s what she thinks…

I shift in my small chair. “I’m sorry, Rey. I didn’t want to force you.”

She waves me off. “Whatever. So, what are you sick with?”

_Snoke keeps pushing me down on his lap in long, slow motions while I read a book. He groans in my ear in a soft, subtle way and I try to ignore it. I swallow and my fingers tremble and I know something is wrong. He holds my hips in his iron grasp and I can feel it…_

_“You’re so soft,” he coos. “So emotional. Talk to me.”_

My brain snaps back like always and I stare at Rey. She looks back, chewing, then begins typing something. I try to pick through the difficult memories to remember what exactly Snoke told my mother but it’s hard to separate them. They’re superglued together. If I bring up one, the bad things follow. I squint and push into one from when I was fifteen.

_“Make yourself comfortable, Ben.”_

_My surroundings are all blurry. I’m in Snoke’s house at the behest of my mother, who had to leave for the weekend and wanted me watched. I’m getting worse as I get older—needier, more prone to fits of rage, shyer and more anxious. I sit on his couch in his small living room with my sweaty hands in my hoodie pocket and my black hair hiding most of my face. It’s stringy and dirty._

_He comes out in a gold bathrobe and offers me a beer. I blink up at him, surprised, but his blue eyes are friendly so I take it. I sip as he sits beside me and sighs and runs his long, gnarled fingers through my hair. My skin prickles, torn between enjoying being touched and hating what I know he wants from me._

_“You’re getting so big,” Snoke murmurs._

_I don’t reply. He curls my hair behind my ear and leans over to kiss my cheek. His dry lips wander down my neck and—_

_I’m panting, trembling, covered in his spit and my cum. He coos that I need a bath and strips me then and there, muttering about how I have—_

 “I think a personality disorder,” I chirp.

Rey nods and goes back to ignoring me. I sag in my chair and wait for her to address me. Rey is the light of my life and I don’t want to make her upset. I know she loves me and wants me to feel me, but I can’t force her to. I wring my hands, watching her through my black hair, and she licks the spoon from her soup and stares at the laptop.

Time fades on. Rey frowns a few times and glances at me and I instantly brighten at the attention. She puckers her lips and nods to herself.

 “I think you have borderline personality disorder,” she says.

It clicks in my head, no thinking required. “Yeah, that was what the doctor said. I forgot.”

I have to constantly _push_ the painful, nauseating memories out or I get _angry_. There’s lots of gaps in my mind; little things I’ve lost thanks to keeping the thoughts rotating like a washing machine, purging the filth from them, trying to wash away the bits that make me want to claw my eyes out.

 “Maybe that’s why you’re always crying like a baby.” Rey scowls. “Eat your food, Ben.”

Yes—my mother says that’s why I always feel empty, why I’m terrified of being alone, and why my emotions are flip-fucked all over the place. I down the soup fast and Rey takes our bowls to the dish washer. I stare at her back and my fingers twitch again. So close. So… close…

She leans on the counter and faces me, lean arms folded over her chest. “I guess it explains a lot. Can’t be mad at you when you’re an actual crazy person.” Her head tilts and she narrows her eyes. “If you attack me again, I’m going to kick you out.”

 “Never!” I shake my head fast, fighting the urge to grab her. “Never again. Never.”

 “…Okay. If you say so.”

I’m terrified of Rey making me leave her, but I can’t stop thinking about throwing her in the bed and forcing my cock in her panties again. The thoughts have haunted me before and I didn’t consider acting on them. Watching Rey talk and walk and move her hips brings the thoughts back, even though I know they’re not right, and I keep thinking of her limp body at my mercy. I’m bigger than her.

She watches me silently, thinking, then smiles. “What do you want from me, Ben?”

 “Everything,” I say without missing a beat.

 “Is that so?”

I nod eagerly. “Yes, I lo—”

 “You love me; yeah, yeah, I know.” Rey opens a drawer beside her and takes out a strangely shaped key. “I was thinking that I should take you out with me. For some fresh air.”

Out? I blink in surprise and stand up too fast when she walks towards me. She raises an eyebrow so I quickly sit back down and turn my head to let her unlock the collar. It falls into her palm with a click and I realize that I am completely free. I can walk out the front door and never come back. I can tell the police what I saw and do the right thing.

Instead I grab Rey’s hips and pull her to me, nuzzling my nose into her belly, and I look up and smile when she laughs. She runs her fingers through my hair and gazes back into my eyes.

 “No one’s ever really needed me before,” she murmurs. Her fingers curve under my jaw, squeezing gently. “It’s… kind of nice. What would you do if I disappeared?”

My chest tightens. “I’ll kill myself.”

 “Jesus, Ben. Quit being such a lunatic.”

She leads me from the kitchen to the girly bedroom and dresses me in the black hoodie and jeans I first came to her house in. I brush my teeth and hair and my heart pounds at the thought of us going out in public together. Rey gives me another blue pill and I happily swallow it dry.

 “You need to listen to me, Ben,” she says sternly. “Do whatever I say.”

 “Of course. Anything.” I flex my hands at my sides and swallow hard. “You look pretty.”

Rey pulls on the hem of her shirt and looks down at it, shrugging. “I guess. I have to do laundry, so this is all I have right now. You need more clothes, too… Let’s go shopping!”

Ugh—malls are my least favorite place to be. There are so many people and it’s so crowded. I get anxious being in big groups so I used to wear whatever my mom bought me, but that’s not an option now. Rey must see the apprehension on my face because she pouts and touches my cheek.

 “Social anxiety, too?” She laughs, kind of cruelly. “You’re a wreck. Come on, let’s go.”

Rey has a car so we don’t have to walk there. She talks on her car phone with Rose the whole way and I gaze out the window at the buildings flying past us. I’m so happy. I never thought I’d be able to feel so happy, but here I am, sitting with my soulmate while she drives us to the mall. Life has changed a lot. The last time I felt happy was when mom caught Snoke and me in bed together. That was more of a mixed feeling, though. I liked that it made her scream.

The mall isn’t very busy, which is a relief for me. Rey leads me inside through a throng of people and I hold my breath and grab the hem of her shirt. She huffs impatiently and threads her fingers through mine, pulling me along to different stores and helping me try clothes on. I wonder where she gets so much money but figure it’s rude to ask, so I just keep thanking her and give her awkward kisses on the cheek. She smiles, though, so I figure she likes it.

We eat pizza in the food court, away from everyone else, and I wring my hands when I’m done. Rey is scrolling through her phone and looks bored.

 “I think I need to get a job,” I blurt.

She glances at me and raises her eyebrows. “You?” Then her surprise fades into laughing. “How? You can’t even walk around a mall without holding my hand.”

I redden. “…I know, but I don’t like taking your money.”

Rey rolls her eyes and finishes chewing her third piece of pizza, wiping her hands clean. She bought a lot for me and it doesn’t feel right. I’m supposed to take care of her. I’m supposed to be the strong one.

 “Well if I’m keeping you, I should take care of you, right?” She gathers our trays and shrugs. “You’re fragile, Ben. You’re not meant to be a part of society.”

 “Okay,” I mumble.

 “Ben?!”

A familiar voice makes me perk up. I turn my chair towards it to see my mother, Leia, standing a few feet away with a Sephora bag over her arm and cell phone to her ear. Typical. She hangs up and bustles over and Rey gets out of her chair and steps around the table right in front of me, like she’s blocking mom.

 “Hi there!” Rey says in a different voice. “You must be Ben’s mom.” She offers her hand and sits in my lap and I catch mom’s surprise. “I’m Rey—his girlfriend.”

Mom covers her mouth. “Oh, it’s so nice to meet you! My brother Luke said Ben disappeared a few days ago and I was so worried—but this is fantastic!” She shakes Rey’s hand, then leans over and hugs her.

I haven’t seen my mother in weeks. Sometimes she visits to make sure I’m still alive and ignores how drunk her brother is. She starts gabbing with Rey and I take the opportunity to wrap my arms around Rey’s waist and rest my head on her back with a happy sigh. She’s so little and huggable. She also said that she’s my girlfriend, which means we’re officially together. Now she’s really mine.

My thoughts drift lazily back to her bed; the nice bed. I think of _working nine to five, five days a week, and coming home to her cooking dinner in nothing but an apron. She turns and beams, belly round with our first baby, and laughs when I loosen my tie and push her against the counter. The kitchen smells like chicken noodle soup and the pot bubbles as I bend Rey over the table and fuck her from behind with my hand stroking her belly. She’s crazy horny because she’s pregnant and can’t get enough of me._

Rey shifts in my lap, bringing me back to reality, and I realize I’m getting hard. I swallow and nuzzle into her neck and she squeezes my thigh like she’s telling me she knows. Mom is still talking.

 “…Never thought he’d live with a girl!” Leia peeks at me around Rey’s shoulder. “I hope you’re being good, Ben, and cleaning up after yourself.”

 “I am,” I mutter.

 “Good boy.” She sighs happily. “Well, call me if you need anything. So nice to meet you, Rey.”

 “You too!” Rey chirps.

Mom leaves. We’re alone in the corner of the food court and I clear my throat. Rey shifts her hips and leans into my chest. It’s quiet. No one can see us.

 “What are you thinking about?” she murmurs.

I nose into her hair, embarrassed. “You.”

She giggles and grasps my thighs with both hands. “You’re adorable, Benny. Keep thinking.”

I’m not sure if it’s an invitation, but I want it to be. I kiss the apex of her neck and shoulder and roll my hips into the heat between her legs with my fingers hooked over her hips. It’s reminiscent of Snoke doing the same to me but now I have control over it. Rey hums under her breath and doesn’t seem to mind what I’m doing so I slip back into my fantasies and hold her firm in my lap.

_The baby is asleep in her crib and we’re in our bed together. Rey is curled up beside me with her fingers petting my hair and she’s singing a song to me while I nurse from her breasts, now engorged with milk. It tastes sweet, just like her, and my fingers are down her white panties, stroking her folds. Her breath catches and she squirms and whimpers as she climaxes. I squeeze more milk into my mouth as her grip tightens on my cock and I grunt and cum all over her hand._

My breathing hitches and I stifle a groan as I cum right then and there in my pants, straining Rey in my lap. She giggles and kisses the side of my head while I pant and struggle to catch my breath and I kiss the corner of her mouth. Shit. Fuck, I love her. I really do.

 “I want to put a baby in you,” I admit in a whisper.

She smiles lazily, reaching an arm back to stroke my hair as people pass by. “Do you?”

 “Yes. Please.”

 “Maybe not today, Benji. Let’s go home—you need a shower.”

We get up and thankfully the stain is hidden in my jeans. I take Rey’s hand again and she smiles up at me and rests her head on my upper arm. I love her. I’ll put a baby in her _whether she likes it or not._


	8. And I'm not scared

_My sixteenth birthday comes and mom arranges a party. I don’t have a ton of friends, since I’m increasingly weird and withdrawn, but she somehow finds a bunch of people to come. Her coworkers from the state senate come, too, and I end up sitting by myself. At least the backyard is sunny and mom looks happy flitting around talking to everyone._

_One of the daughters of another senator sits next to me and smiles. She has blonde hair and nice brown eyes but she’s not that pretty. I peer at her through my hood and smile back._

_We go inside the house, since she wants to see my room. Kids shriek with laughter outside as we ascend the white stairs in my mom’s silent home to the second floor. She’s talking and leading the way and I’m following with a pounding heart. Snoke spent the night with me two days ago. He drew me into his bed and stroked my cock and laid across my back to push inside my body. I panted and came on his sheets despite how humiliated I felt. Now I want control back._

_The girl shrugs, still talking as we walk in my bedroom. I’m shy and reserved but I’m fucking hungry as hell and desperate to get control over something. I slowly shut my door behind us and she turns, admiring my band posters, then laughs when I approach her for a kiss._

_“Ben,” she says in a dismissive tone, “that’s not what this is.”_

_I’m bigger than her. I kiss her, anyway, and wrap my arms around her waist when she squeaks and resists. Warm summer air drifts through my window as I wrestle the pleading girl down to my bed and hastily pull at her short-shorts and tank top. She claws at my blue sheets, fighting to escape but not quite screaming. I pant and push her head down and start humping her butt like a wild animal._

_She doesn’t say anything. I go at it for a few minutes until I cum in my pants with a low grunt. The girl clears her throat and just keeps lying there while I laugh and pant into her hair, and I tug her shorts down over her bathing suit. I want more. I want her to know that I own her._

_“Okay,” I whisper, “I want to cum on your bathing suit.”_

Rey chats about school while she feeds me breakfast. I’m at my smaller table on the floor when I come out of the memory and I nod and smile. She has black short-shorts on and a baggy gray hoodie while she cooks more bacon for us. I tremble while I eat. I need to control someone.

 “This cop, Poe, asked me out,” Rey says, laughing. “Can you contain yourself, Benny?”

 “No,” I mutter. “I don’t want other men touching you.”

She laughs harder and leans over to kiss the top of my head. She’s mine. If another man tries to take her, I’ll fucking kill him. If she tries to leave me, I’ll kill myself.

I finish my food and take a shower while Rey talks on the phone. It reminds me vaguely of rubbing out of my mom’s senator friend’s daughter. She just let me do it. It was awesome. She laid there and let me cum all over her white bathing suit and hump her until my cock stung. I rinse my hair and feel annoyed. Rey doesn’t let me use her. I want to fuck her.

My thoughts drift to Snoke while I dry off.

  _“Ben… Ben…”_

_I’m seventeen now, technically legal, and my psychiatrist is buried to the hilt in my ass. He grunts and clings to my hips while I pant and grasp the mattress and feel cold lube dripping down my thighs. Snoke groans and pumps my cock while I drowsily look around the room. We had sex for the first time when I was fifteen so now it’s normal. He’s always on top but I don’t care._

_I thrust into his grip until I cum all over his hand with a small whimper. He slaps my ass and pounds harder while I reel from my orgasm._

_“Good boy,” Snoke grunts. “Betray your mommy. You’re all mine. I’ll cum so deep in your ass—”_

_The door opens suddenly and we see my mom peek inside. Her hazel eyes bug out and she screams in horror while Snoke keeps rocking inside me. I smile a little as he withdraws and follows her from the room. I cum again on his pillows with some fast thrusts to the image of my mom screaming._

 “Want to come with?”

I blink and look up to see Rey watching me. She smiles. Sometimes she just wanders in to watch me wash off and I don’t mind. I frown.

 “Come where?” I ask.

 “To the bar. You can meet Rose and Finn.”

Sure. I nod and dress in my hoodie and jeans and Rey pats my arm. We get into her car and drive down to the local watering hole where her friends are waiting outside. Rey squeals and hugs Rose and I awkwardly shake hands with Finn. Social skills aren’t my forte.

The bar is poorly lit and crowded. We sit in a booth, me beside Rey when her friend Poe slips in on the other side of her. I glare at him over her shoulders and realize I recognize his face. When I first broke into Rey’s apartment he was by the gate. Huh. Well now he should understand that she’s mine and I won’t share her with anyone else. I grit my teeth, pissed off. Rey is mine. MINE.

Finn talks to me about some sports bullshit. I answer for a few minutes until I see Rey giggle and follow Poe towards the pool tables in the even darker back end of the bar. Finn frowns at Rose when I stalk after them but I don’t care. Rey can’t do this to me.

Poe is handing her the cue when I walk up. I grab her wrist and drag her deeper into the darkness, past the bathrooms, and swing her into the wall when she hisses in protest. Rey stares as I kiss her hard on the mouth and hoist her into my arms to grind my hard cock between her legs. She pants, nervous, then flings her arms around my neck and lets me do whatever the hell I want.

Rey moans. “Fuck, Benny. Good boy.”

 “I wanna go home,” I mumble, kissing her throat. “Wanna fuck you.”

 “Yeah?”

 “Yes.”

She whimpers while I keep humping her until I get so close that I have to stop. Her breath catches and she wants me to tug her panties down and fuck her there, but I refuse. It has to be romantic. I want the first time happen in her bed while she squeals my name.

Rey laughs and leaves. I glare after her when she hops in Poe Dameron’s lap and grit my teeth. I’ll fucking kill him. Her cunt is mine. Fuck him. FUCK HIM.

We all go home in Rey’s car. I glower in the backseat while Rey giggles drunkenly and makes out with Poe on their way to the front door. They stumble to her fancy bedroom and I pace in the kitchen, enraged. I can hear them laughing together. I want to fucking die.

 “Poe,” Rey gasps.

I fling a cabinet open and chug back gin. The door shuts down the hall but I know what they’re doing. I walk in circles and open the fridge to eat some leftover soup and try to pretend another man isn’t fucking Rey. She’s mine, but I have to wait. She’s mine, but I have to wait. I swig gin until my head spins and I don’t exactly know where I am. Rey… Rey is mine… and I don’t have to wait.

They’re moaning inside her bedroom. I hear the bed creaking and take another swig of gin before busting open the door to see what’s up.

Rey is lying underneath Poe and her green sheets are ruffled on top of them. His face is buried in her neck but I see his hips flexing with thrusts while she whimpers and clings to his back. The room is dark and smells like sex. It makes me violently angry. I finish the gin and advance.

They glance up as I yank Poe off her and promptly snap his neck. He crumples on the floor in a pile and Rey gasps in shock and shakes her head when I slip under the sheets with her. I ignore her protests and shove my hard cock through her pussy, grunting while she whimpers, and begin desperately thrusting. Rey arches her hips to meet me and I’m so drunk that I don’t instantly cum.

 “Fuck Ben,” she pants. “This is so fucking hot.”

 “Fuck you. You’re mine.” I savor her wetness and shamelessly groan. “Take me, cumslut.”

Rey giggles and pretends to fight back. I lean back to squeeze her jaw and slap her across the face when she asks. Her hazel eyes light up and she makes fake tears while I relentlessly pound into her and ignore the coiling tension between my legs. She wants me to beat the shit out of her. Good.

I can’t control my orgasm and grunt, eyes widening as it overtakes me. Rey beams and holds my face to watch my amazed expression as my cum pulses my from balls, up my cock, and straight into her pussy. I exhale nervously and laugh. Wow, holy fuck. I’ve never filled up a woman before. My cum is deep inside her and regardless of birth control, I could get her pregnant.

She laughs when I try to hump her again. I kiss her shoulder and steadily harden inside her and groan with anticipation. I’ll cum inside Rey over and over until she’s pregnant. When she’s getting bigger she’ll want me even more and we’ll love one another. I love her. She’s mine.

I search her eyes. “I love you, Rey. I want to put a baby in you.”

 “I know. Not now.”

That makes me mad. I scowl and wrap my arms around Rey, desperate to claim her body in every way possible. She resists a little but it just drives me on. I own her. I push her little body down and mercilessly thrust until my cock swells and I spurt inside her pussy again.  MINE. She moans and whimpers and takes it and I imagine her round with our baby.

The sheets are all tangled by our feet. Drunk, I sloppily kiss her chest and hum and enjoy the sensation of my cum spilling out of Rey’s pussy. She pants and kisses the top of my head.

 “Ben,” she whispers, “I think you killed him.”

I nod and go back to thrusting. “I know. You’re mine.”

Rey giggles and runs her fingers through my hair while I keep fucking her. She’s so tight and sweet that I don’t care about murdering a cop in cold blood to feel her pussy. I want her chock fucking full of my cum and I rock forward to bring her back with me. She gasps and sinks her nails into my hips. I’m not the same weakling she trapped a few weeks ago. I’m a man with semen that can impregnate her. She’s mine. She can’t escape.

I bite the edge of her throat and grunt. “Good. Good girl.”

 “Fuck me, please,” she whimpers back. “…Daddy.”

It triggers something in me, hearing her call me that. I kiss her jaw hard and fuck her even harder and imagine she’s my little girl and we’re in her twin bed and I’m her stepdad, fucking her while her mom sleeps two rooms away. It’s so hot. I bury my face in the pillows and thrust like a horny rabbit.

Rey pants and tugs on my hair. “Fuck me, daddy. I’m your little girl.”

The fantasy seems off for her but I love it. I nod and drive deeper, imagining she’s been teasing me for months with short skirts and sideways glances. Rey hums and clings to my back while I drive forward, relentless, and imagine pumping enough cum in her to make a baby.

This is what I’ve wanted for ages—and it’s what I’m finally getting. Rey is mine.


	9. Light my candles in a daze

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BENNNNNNN
> 
> also ben uses a slur against gay people in this chapter  
> sorry; he's a asshole

  _“Get OFF me, Ben! I’m telling your mom!”_

Air rattles back into my lungs—wow, I’m not dead. But I’m lying in a pool of my own vomit and blood, delirious and reeling from my Valium overdose dreams. I only I were a little more assertive. Ho hum. I tried to pin down the senator kid, but she bit me and got away. She didn’t tell my mom, though. If I hadn’t been so damn nervous I could’ve lost my virginity then and there.

Rey is on a _date_ with a _police officer_ and she called to say she’s staying at his place. It got me so mad that I tried and failed to kill myself with a bottle of gin and a handful of Valium. Here I am, still alive, still empty. Like I could ever snap someone’s neck. Like I could ever be confident enough to show Rey that I’m the boss of _her_. She’ll just slap me across the face and laugh like almost ever girl I’ve met.

I smile faintly and croak a laugh. “You’re so gross, Ben! Quit staring at my boobs!” Anger washes over me and I pound a fist into the puddle of bodily fluids. “Then why are you wearing a SHIRT that shows off your fucking TITS?!”

Agh. The emotion fades back and I slowly sit up to assess the damage to my wrists. Didn’t hit anything important but there’s a lot of blood mixed in with puke. Rey won’t be happy if she comes home and finds a mess… But she’s having sex with Poe fucking Dameron so fuck her.

No—no. I don’t mean it. I’m just a little upset with her right now, but she’s still my perfect angel.

I think about all the girls who have rejected me while I clean up the mess. The senator girl was one of the first. She came up to my room and laughed after I kissed her. It made me mad. I wanted to punish her so I tried forcing her into my twin bed and she kept laughing until I started rubbing my hard on against her thigh. Then she got mad and slapped me.

That’s how it’s always been. I can’t read people well and I don’t understand boundaries all the time. I’ll violate them and not understand how I did. Plus, I’m always so fucking horny and feel so empty that I try to find ways to fill the hole in me however I can. I get desperate.

My urges grow when I’m done cleaning. Rey. I want to fuck her so badly. And I don’t care if she likes it—she’s mine. That’s why I got so upset and slit my wrists when she left. She’s supposed to be _here_. She’s supposed to let _me_ mount her like the bitch she is and scream _my_ name but she’s probably letting Poe do those things like a fucking whore.

Ick. I don’t get why I’m so pissy lately.

I go in Rey’s nice bedroom to lie in her bed and jerk off to the face my mom made when she caught Snoke and me. It brings me close fast like it always does and I imagine her making the face catching me with my dick in Rey’s ass instead. I wouldn’t mind doing that.

Rey will fight back but I’ll overpower her. I groan, thinking of pinning her down to my little twin bed at my mom’s house, humping her for a bit before pushing aside her bikini bottoms and stuffing myself inside her tight pussy. I want that power over someone. I know how it made me feel when Snoke wrestled me down the first time we fucked—all the quiet crying and pleading with his gnarled fingers clenched around my forearms.

  _“It hurts,” I sob._

_He’s all the way inside me. I feel like a fucking faggot. Snoke wrestles down my struggling and slowly thrusts in and out of me while I keep crying and begging for my mom. His house is quiet. I really am fucking faggot, crying while another man fucks me in the ass._

_“You’re so tight, Ben,” he groans. “Such a good boy.”_

_Soon the bed is creaking and both of us are grunting. I have my hand around my cock and I’m pumping fast and hard and drooling in the pillows. Snoke hits a spot that makes me choke and instantly cum all over my hand and his sheets, and I moan like a chick as the orgasm pulses through me. He twitches inside me and I feel him swell and pulse, pumping cum with heavy panting._

_Afterwards he cuddles with me. I think in his own way, he genuinely loved me. He kisses my shoulders and I smile as his cum slowly leaks out of me. I love cuddling._

 “Fuck!” I snarl.

Fucking—gay shit! I stumble out of bed, pacing, angry for letting my mind wander. Fuck that fucker. I like girls. I like their soft, breakable little bodies and their tits and long hair. I’m a man. I’ve even had sex with a girl. I want to put a baby in Rey and bang her in the kitchen after work and keep her barefoot and pregnant and under my thumb.

I shudder and wish Tatiana was around for me to fuck. Made me sick at first, but it’s my right. I can fuck whoever I want. Women belong to men.

  _“Ben, can you bring Caleb home?”_

_Another senator thing. Mom has a drunk teenage boy she’s supporting, maybe fifteen, and she looks annoyed. I’m on the couch reading a book and I shrug. Sure. I’m twenty-five._

_He has a nice face. Traditional, kind of. Blonde hair. I smile when he points at me and take him off mom’s hands, heading out into the cool night with his arm slung around my neck. It’s snowing and cold. There’s supposed to be a storm tomorrow._

_“I got into the liquor!” Caleb laughs._

_“You sure did.”_

_We go to his parents’ house. No one’s home. The dog yips and barks as I help Caleb inside and I figure I should bring him to his room—make sure he’s okay. He stumbles up the stairs, falling a few times, and laughs hysterically in the darkness. I loom over him and briefly imagine him sucking my cock._

_Caleb crawls to his bedroom down the hall and I slowly follow, step by quiet step. He passes out in his bed almost instantly and I stand at the door for a few minutes, silently staring at him. Then I move._

_I creep across his back and his twin bed with Ninja Turtle sheets creaks. Heart pounding, salivating, I lower my weight on him and bury my nose in his hair, taking a deep, hungry breath. He smells like Axe like every other teenage boy. This is the age when I first had sex with Snoke._

_We’re both wearing khakis, so it doesn’t hurt my dick as much as jeans would. I rub my cock on his butt, gritting my teeth and huffing in his hair, trying to keep my moans down. He keeps sleeping while I quietly use his unconscious body and soon I can feel an orgasm curling near my tailbone. Panting, I dip my head in the crook of his neck and fist his sheets as I cum in my pants with a bunch of fast grunts, and I imagine spilling in his mouth instead. He snores._

_Trembling, I press a soft kiss to the back of his head and slip out of bed. I smear some of my cum on his doorframe on my way out._

I’m going to rape Rey when she comes home in the morning. I’m going to show her who the boss is. I’ll do it, even though I love her, because she doesn’t understand.

 “Benny, I’m home!”

My heart skips a beat. She’s already home?

I hurry to the kitchen and bump into Rey and she laughs when I wrap my arms around her and lift her off the floor. I bury my face in her neck and nuzzle her skin and smile when I don’t smell cologne. She’s such a good girl. She came home to me instead of going with Poe. I don’t have to rape her—she knows where she belongs. For now.

Rey notices my wrists when I put her down and she gasps. “Ben, what the hell?!”

 "You left me,” I say simply.

She stares up at me and I smile down at her. Then she silently walks past me and goes to her bedroom and I follow close behind, grasping the back of her red dress with my fingertips.

 “Whatever,” Rey sighs. “Your mom won’t be happy if you kill yourself.”

We change for bed and I crawl under the sheets with her. She curls up closer to me and I kiss her forehead. Rey, Rey. I want to feel her tits.

I grab one without saying anything. She giggles and pulls my hand away by the wrist. I grab it again, squeezing lightly, marveling at how squishy it is. Rey pulls my hand away again and we repeat it a few more times until she gets mad and says _Ben!_ in a low, angry hiss. I blink at her, eyes tracing her skinny arms, and slide my hand under her shirt, up the flat, soft plane of her belly.

Rey’s breath catches and she tries to slap me. I catch her wrist, staring at her, and my fingers slide over her boob. Ah. I rub my thumb across her nipple while she struggles and tries to kick me between the legs. Her hissing and spitting turns into soft, hot whimpers and I shift closer to push up her shirt.

 “Ben,” she whispers, like someone can hear us, “stop it.”

I keep staring at her. Try to stop me.

Her nipple is round and hard like a pebble. I seal my mouth over it and flick my tongue across the nub and she keeps whispering ‘stop.’ It turns me on even more. Another girl who doesn’t want me to touch her—but I will this time. I’m bigger than her. I can do whatever I want.

Rey’s eyes get tight and scared when I roll on top of her. High on power, I lick and suck her neck and suckle her nipples on my way down her body. Whatever I want. Whatever I want.

I think of the senator girl and what I wanted to do to her. Rey is frozen underneath me as I lay down on top of her, adjusting my hips against hers, and I start eagerly thrusting. She doesn’t move. I grunt into the pillows and feel her warm, wet center through her thin short shorts and soon it makes my cock damp. I can fuck her if I want to. I can rip right through her pants and bury myself inside her.

Groaning, I cum hard in my pants just at the thought of it, and I feel powerful and masculine. Rey doesn’t move. I catch my breath next to her ear, then kiss along her face and jaw and rest my face in the pillows. Silence stretches on. My boxers are sticky and gross but it’s important to cuddle with Rey.

I sigh, sated and happy. “That felt so good. I love you.” Then I realize she needs to come, too, and decide it’s a good time to eat her out.

Rey comes to life when I lean back and tug her shorts and panties down. She tries to pull them back up, whispering ‘Ben, stop!’ again but I slap her hands away and get her pants off. I chuck the shorts but keep her panties and smell them for a second before licking the wet spot in the middle. It’s not musty. The dampness is fresh, from when I humped her, which means she liked it, too.

I crane my neck to kiss her pussy and she whimpers ‘stop’ over and over while I keep leaving small kisses on her lips. My tongue slips through wetness and I lap at her like a dog for a few minutes before sucking like I did in the shower. That makes Rey gasp and wriggle her hips so I keep on doing it. Her hips buck and she ends up grabbing my hair to grind into my mouth, which is okay with me. I hum because I’m happy and that makes her quiver and moan in a different way, flexing rhythmically on my lips.

Her little hand falls away and I lick my lips when I look up at her hazy eyes. She smiles faintly and I peel off my pants and boxers to lie behind her with my chin on her shoulder. I can feel her butt on my cock and I consider pushing in there, since it doesn’t count as real sex, but decide I’m happy for now. I kiss her hair and snuggle closer and think I hear her crying before I fall asleep.


	10. 'Cause I've found god

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i suck at endings but this was so twisted and weird that i wanted to leave it open-ended

Rain patters on the windows when I wake up the next morning with Rey asleep beside me. I smile, pleased, and tug the covers up over us while kissing her neck. She hums in her sleep and shifts away from me, but I follow eagerly roll halfway across her back to keep her pinned underneath me. We’re both naked and I’m already hard.

I try to be quiet and careful as I maneuver her thighs so the head of my cock presses against her entrance. Rey squirms, whimpering in her sleep, and I smell her hair and rock into her wetness a few times, testing how conscious she is. Her breaths are slow and even, so I push inside her a few inches, swallowing hard, hoping the room stays nice and quiet. I want her. This is perfect.

The sheets shift and my heart pounds nervously as I slip deeper inside Rey. She finally seems to wake up and squirms, yawning, then stiffens underneath my weight.

 “Ben?” she whispers. She pulls away. “BEN!”

 “No, no, no!” I flatten her underneath me, breathing hard in her ear. “Stay still.”

Rey pants and tries to get away from me. I pin her hands down and keep following the natural path inside her while she whimpers my name and shakes her hips. They aren’t at the right angle, so I squeeze both of her skinny wrists in one hand and roughly yank her hips up to meet mine. It adjusts my cock just right and I gasp as I slip deep inside her with one more thrust.

Oh god—oh god. My head spins with pleasure as Rey cries out and twists her wrists in my grasp. She’s so warm and wet, I think I might pass out. I smell her hair and hold her hip in place to make a tentative thrust that draws another anguished sound from her.

 “I love you,” I groan.

 “Ben—stop!”

Instinct takes over. I don’t care about her finishing, just fucking her until I cum. I lean back with her hips in both hands and feel like I’m skewering her with each thrust. She tries to squirm away, but I drag her right back to me and dig my fingers into her skin and bone. Rey’s back is arched and she looks even smaller and more fragile writhing around. My hands are huge on her hips.

It’s overwhelming and I come a minute later. I lean over her, groaning, and try to remember all the sensations as my cock pulses inside her and fills her up with cum— _my_ cum; the way it’s supposed to be. She lays there quietly like a good girl and lets me enjoy myself.

I stay inside Rey when I’m done and kiss her back, panting and elated. She trembles and won’t look at me when I turn her over to smile at her. I give her quick pecks on her face and nuzzle under her chin to cuddle, sighing happily. Rey, Rey. My Rey.

We shower and brush our teeth and eat breakfast. Rey keeps staring off into the distance and barely touches her food. I frown and kiss the side of her head, worried. She’s usually so happy.

 “Are you okay?” I mumble, mouth full of food.

She blinks but doesn’t look at me.

 “Why didn’t you stop, Ben?”

I tilt my head. “Well… I love you. And it felt good, and I didn’t want to stop.”

 “But I wanted you to, Ben.” Her pretty eyes well up with tears. “I thought you were different. I thought we could be happy here together.”

Tears stress me out. I try to comfort her, but Rey yells and pulls away. I follow her out of the kitchen to her bedroom and grab her when she tries to run off again. She screams for some reason, which makes me really fucking panic, and I sink down to the floor and lock her in my arms.

Rey fights me until she’s too worn out from crying. She sags over my arms and I raise my head when I notice she’s slowed down. Phew. I kiss her hair and hum.

 “You felt good,” I murmur. “I like doing it when you’re not awake.”

 “I should’ve killed you when I had the chance!” she hisses back. “I never should’ve—”

Now I know I can overpower Rey, and I don’t like the way she’s talking to me. I wrestle her down to the floor and hold her down by her head while she screams and says she’ll kill me. It lilts into sobbing as I pull down her pants and sink inside her with a low groan, finally in control of someone, and finally in control of my body. She’s wet and tight and sweet.

I think about Tatiana and Rey forcing me to hurt her and I wonder if she’s just getting what she deserves. But none of that esoteric bullshit really matters to me: Rey is helpless to resist, finally caught up in her own cycle of despair, and I’m not afraid of her anymore.


End file.
